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Friday, August 20, 2010

Kamba Secrets: What future for sleepy Kenyan community?

The controversial weekend special is back with a bang, starting from tonight.

No other community in the country rejected the draft constitution in such large numbers. So why did the Kamba reject what will turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to them? Why did Ruto and Moi find a community ready to welcome them and their message of lies with such open arms?

Apart from Coastal towns like Mombasa, Machakos, the Ukambani capital is the oldest inland town in Kenya and was the first capital of the British protectorate that is now Kenya. What happened? How did it get bypassed in favour of Nairobi? Why has it remained so under-developed all these years? Why have the Kamba people remained backward and poor despite being exposed very early on as traders?

A famous Kamba medicine woman predicted that the fourth president of Kenya would hail from Ukambani but does the community have any chance in the high stakes political wars of 2012? The answer will shock you to your bones.

Read the startling answers to all your questions about the Kamba and more in your weekend special this weekend. The real Kumekucha is back with a vengeance and is holding nothing back. Cancel all your dates this weekend or keep them and stick close to a computer with an internet connection. One guarantee Kumekucha gives you. You will emerge from this weekend with very different thinking in regards to the community that has played the biggest role in sustaining evil dictatorships in Kenya.

Useful reader information on Kenya from Kumekucha: Where to get the best priced air tickets from Mombasa Kenya

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

What is this jaluo (or jaluo lover) up to? Why do you people like discussing kambas? All studies show jaluos lead in poverty in kenya. Why dont you discuss your poverty and backward customs, such as sleeping with dead bodies?

Anonymous said...

I have carefully observed the malicious comments that always appear in this blog with great interest. Especially the first two comments of the previous post.

Odd comments because reading through the post I would say that Chris is even better at writing business than politics. So why the malice and open hatred?

And so I have concluded that these people leaving funny comments that add no value to the debate here are envious of Chris as a person. It is personal (has to be).

Either Chris stole their girl friends or he is a rich man. Which one is it? Anybody who knows Chris...

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 4:32

FYI Chris is half Kamba half Luhya. FACT.

So keep your Jaluo hating nyenge deep in ur trousers where it belongs.

Anonymous said...

Anon 4.38 seems you know this chris fella and you are part of his agenda to spoil this peacefull kenyan community. Kindly avdice him this war front he is opnening is what is gonna finish him. yea juz like hitler when he Started the russian front.

What do you guys have so much ridicule for Kamba's Yet most of you claim your mothers are kamba's. Why talk about poverty in ukambani yet we clearly know it's not even leading neither the second in poverty as various studies even from yourselves have shown.

Kamba's will always vote their own way no matter what cow dung you post here.

Dont forget that we know this is an agenda that has been running for the last five years.

Anonymous said...

chris can be half chimpazee and half hyena. He thinks like a luo. We know you luos like hiding your identity by claiming to be half this and half that. That way you can support raila without appearing to be tribal.

We know the agenda very well. After losing the kalenjin vote you want to coerce kambas to vote for raila, in case he has a runoff with uhuru. But it just will not happen. OK we supported all the previous dictators; but yours we will not.

M. Pesa said...

By the way every time I visit Mombasa I can't help noticing the huge influx (flooding) of Kaos in the coastal city. Remember one Kennedy Kiliku a Kamba who was an MP there back in the day?

They will surely transform Coast just like Kiuks have done in Central Rift. I wonder why the Miji Kenda tribes mingle freely with Kaos there yet our Kaleo brothers bark, whine and whinge every send due to Kikuyus in the rift.

I have also noticed that Kambas have really woken up when it comes to farming. Lots of foodstuffs like Onions, Maize and waruus are lined up along Msa road near Makindu when other parts of Kenya are starving. Just ask anyone in Nakumatt and they will assure you Kitui honey is a world beater!

Chris, hope you will also clear the myths or facts about their prowess when it comes to bedroom gymnastics.

Still waiting for your mail. You are such a let down!

Anonymous said...

ukambani is underdeveloped because you nigaz kicked out the whiteys. All the developement projects started by whiteys collapsed immedaitely you attained your silly independence. whiteys may despise other races but they like for people to have decent lives. If moi had allowed leakey to run for president kambas would have voted for him (leakey). kambas do not believe that you can expect much from black leadership. that is why a majority prefer working for wazungus or wahindis. we believe the superiority of whiteys is self evident.

By the way chris after you are through with your kamba story, please tell me how it is possible for a grown man to run around naked chasing and spearing alleged "evil spirits". I find it very "unbackward".

Anonymous said...

M-Pesa read your history very well and if you did do a revision. Kambas are indigneous of the coast province. Before coloonial times they were there and even some of the alleged miji kenda found them there and a;so at the foothills of Mount Kilimanjaro. So stop insinuating that they are newcomers. They belong there by right. and even the locals know that very well. On the bed prowess i beleive every Kenyan has what it takes to achieve this. It no a tribal thing. Ive seen kisii who are tougher than kao's in bed [i mean ladies]... and .....many others.

Anonymous said...

There are some in our midst will pounce onto your post with comments such as "you have not evolved with time", while others will refer to you will all sorts of names in their arsenal.

Kudos for bringing the issue onto the frontburner. I will get back to - "Kamba Secrets: What future for sleepy Kenyancommunity?" - at a later time.

Prowess and Gymnastics!!! Myth or Fact?

The myth about "Kamasutra" being a reserve of Kamba community is an old wives' tale and there is no 28.3495231 grams of truth to it. Anyone who has encountered, dated, crossed recreational paths with some members of the community in question, or is married to one of thier wonderful women, will beg to differ.

For the record: prowess in that department or sector of life is found among female members of the Bagisu community. They are the ones who still hold the traditional trophy for prowess and gymnastics.

M. Pesa said...

Anon, 5:50 AM

I visit coast at least once a month in the course of my works. (I'm supervising some projects at Vipingo Ridge- best golfing facility in Africa- if u care) Most Kambas I meet are not local and it's not rocket science to tell that since their grasp of Kiswahili is worse than that of Anyang Nyong'. So I would assume they are newer arrivals in the Coast.

Anonymous said...

This forum is dead. Dead like a dodo. Dead because of simpletons who come here to leave simple tribal diatribe! And to my surprise the haters are in the diaspora! What a pity!
This forum has been for ideas and ideals till simple minds invaded it post PEV.
How wish these simpletons can leave this forum alone for use to discuss. To discuss issues to pettiness.
Good day people of ideas. The rest crawl back to your stone age please and leave kk alone.
Is that too much to ask for? I don't want to read of village politics and hate speeches here.

Anonymous said...

Chris is back with a bang (sic*..hic*) after his kibarua of chasing the YES politicians for morsels expired. Now he hopes to increase some hits to this blog whose visitors have migrated like wilderbeasts to other more mature Kenyan blogs.

Do you guys remember NYATITI that Chris started and promised us it will be the thingie to look forward to every weekend?? After just two weekends, this mofo started chasing raila hoping to get some handouts, then came the katiba and again he went chasing the YES group for other handouts...

Sometimes I really do pity Chris coz he is approaching 55 and just like mzee mwenzake taabu, they always run around aimlessly like headless chicken.

Sigh!!..why do I even care??
And what was this post about? Kamka, Kalenjin, Kikuyus?? ITs either these tribes...just like the other loser and raila fanatic makau Mutua. unfortunately, their octogenarian hero is undergoing brain surgery in italy as we blog..

Anonymous said...

Anon 6:56,you are an incurable idiot!Why dont you attack Chris 1st?By writing about Kambas,he is the one who introduced a tribal dimension.But with your intellectualism,you want folks to strictly be in sync with Chris's line of thought.If you find it beneath you to share a blog with simpletons,there are enough blogs there from nuclear physics to rocket science that can keep your superior mind busy or better still,why not start your own....?

Anonymous said...

Kenyan Diaspora are such a disgrace. As somebody said here they are EXPORTED BIGOTS. Just read what they write and you will see how smart their village mates are. Impunity they sing but abusing technology with hate speech is just that except not political/power.

The lie and bravado in every comment tells alot. Some even lie to themseleves that they are able to know REAL people online through FERTILE IMAGINATION.

Please make coloured mental pictures if you must but don't frame them. You don't know Chris and stop lying to yourself. At least he is better than off and more smart than your imbecile bro/uncle/father.

Anonymous said...

Mpesa do you mean that all kikuyus living in kilimambogo which is in ukambani know kikamba. all kambas living in Sultan Hamud Know Kimasai and all kikuyus living in ngong know kimasai. i dont undertstand your point. Does it mean that Kaos are no longer Kenyans and dont have the right to live wherever they choose. Go to Kinango you will find kambas owning large tracts of land, born there. People who dont even know where mtito andei is yet they still have that thing you call 'grasp of Kiswahili being worse than that of Anyang Nyong' yet their ancestors were born and died there and they dont have any relations anywhere in Ukambani. Do you mean all the luos living in maweni, kisumu ndogo and bombolulu have a fine grasp of swahili if i may ask? Give facts please. in your travels there talk to the locals and they will tell you and ask them who they call 'mulamu' and why.

Anonymous said...

Wan a perfect barometer to measure PRIMITIVE TRIBALISM in Kenya? Look no further than Kenya's Diaspora on blogs. They may be resident abroad in body only but their WHOLE mindset/body and soul remain VERY PRIMITIVELY programmed in the village stereotypes about other tribes and clans.

Poleni, no katiba can legislate that, i.e. living national lies.

luke said...

Chris
Judging by the new typeface of the blog I can tell the effect of KATIBA MPYA have also begun to be felt right here in KK. And what a welcome change it is too, one befitting an American type audience which Kenyans have recently become-hongera KK!

Its amazing, more and more people are saying everyday they wake up in Kenya is like waking up in America since August 4th.

But i warn you bro please tread carefully where even Angels fear to walk. Touching the Kambas is to touch a most raw and sensitive nerve of tribe in our country.I will be watching closely from a safe distance in my usual seat at Ronalo's on Banda STreet overlooking the gutter press seller.

Of concern i note that lately Phil, Taabu and Derro's seats at Kosewe's have been vacant and are instead occupied by some rather lously loud mouth....(party name) MPs complaining about implementing new Katiba.

Roll on August 27th PROMULGATION

Anonymous said...

What is the point of democracy if dissenters get ridiculed as backward and so on? The author is simply demonstrating bigoted intolerance to opposing values and views.

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