Sunday, February 08, 2009

Kutakucha Kweli: The Coming Unrecognizable Kenya

Today I would like to start by helping some folks to save their valuable time. These people imagine that when they rubbish my posts here it hurts my feelings. There is a huge difference between constructive criticism and what I am talking about. Indeed I welcome the lively debate that takes place here sometimes (albeit momentarily before insults and name-calling take over).

Let me tell you a story. Shortly before the 2002 general elections (I had not launched Kumekucha in those days) I had a political discussion with some colleagues. Actually they were my employees in a business I was running then. I told them that President Moi was going to front Uhuru Kenyatta as his successor for president of Kenya. They listened and asked me a few questions. A little while later I came back into the office unexpectedly and was so shocked at what I heard them say. I stood at the door in disbelief as they called me some nutcase and even mentioned that the vehicle I had just purchased was proof of my bad judgment. Well everybody is allowed to have their own opinion on stuff, but the truth is that I was very hurt that day.

Kumekucha titbits: Did you know that corporate team building programmes have been known to turn around previously loss-making companies the world over?

But I have a come a long way since then. You will know that what I told those Mr-Know-it-alls was absolutely accurate and Moi ended up fronting Uhuru as the Kanu candidate in 2002. What has helped me grow a considerable thick skin is that “stupid stuff” I have said has tended to come true. Sample a few;

a) That certain “circumcision regions” would vote Raila Odinga in 2007. A certain old man at the Coast almost hit me with his bakora when I said this. He alsmot had a fit when I added that my research showed that Raila would carry most of Kisii.

b) I expressed great fear that Mwai Kibaki would not hand over power peacefully of defeated by Raila Odinga.

c) That Obama would be the next president of the United States (My dad told me in the face that he understood Americans much more than I did and that I was dreaming. He reckoned Hilary Clinton would effortlessly make it to the White House).

d) The next president of Kenya after Kibaki will be a younger unknown man who is completely new to politics. (Lets wait and see.)

Kumekucha titbits: After your long flight into
Kenya, do you want to seat in a traffic jam for
hours as you try to get into chaotic Nairobi? Or
would you prefer a budget hotel in the outskirts of Nairobi?

Indeed this last prediction is the subject of my post today.

Brace yourselves, I am about to say stuff that will make your ears ring. Some of it sounds like something out of a fairy tale. Please save this post and lets compare notes again sometime in 2013 if God keeps us both.

This is the chain of events I believe the country is about to go through.

1. The birth pangs for mother Kenya to give birth to the new Kenya are about to start. My prayer is that they are going to be as short as possible. Kenya is about to explode.

Now an interesting aside here is that I am utterly shocked at the fact that a vast majority of commentators here do not understand the common man in Kenya as evidenced by their comments about people stealing fuel from overturned trailers and trucks. I just want to put it very simply. I have had the opportunity of being down and out once in my life and I can tell you that when even 2 square meals a day becomes a struggle, the whole thinking of a person changes. For instance life becomes pretty cheap and you start wishing for death. I can assure you that if I was anywhere near a some trailer that overturned when I was down and out, I would have been the first to rush to the spot to “save” the pouring fuel and sell it off later for some cash, irrespective of the dangers. I know most of you cannot understand this “stupidity” and that is because you have never gone hungry.

Now the problem we have is that there are too many Kenyans who are struggling to put just a single meal on the table every day. That number is set to grow swiftly over the next few months as massive layoffs hit the economy (read this shocking article). This coupled with the massive corruption, skyrocketing food prices and the show of affluence by those Kenyans who don’t have cash problems, is going to trigger some sort of unrest on an unprecedented scale. Up market neighborhoods will be raided by the poor and beautiful houses even razed to the ground. My heart goes out to those few Kenyans who have made their fortunes without corruption because the angry mobs will not be able to differentiate.

2. When calm is restored the elections that Kenyans go into will have at least two completely new faces (who have never set foot inside parliament as legislators) running for the highest office in the land, and being front runners in that race. The old guard will of course put up a spirited fight by fielding a candidate who will be badly defeated when the results come in. People like Raila Odinga will rapidly vanish from the radar to the utter shock of some Kenyans who still don’t believe that Raila Odinga will never see the inside of State House as president. Nice man. He’s done a lot for Kenya but that’s fate’s verdict.

3. Prior to the unrest I mention above, political assassinations will hit the country in a big way causing major fear and anxiety. Many personalities will flee the country for fear of their lives. This will extend into the election period where the people who currently own Kenya will do everything in their power to stop any changes that will threaten their current good life.

4. After the troubles, the next government that comes into power will amaze skeptical Kenyans. For the first time we will have enough selfless leaders to cause massive badly-needed changes in the country. Kenya will be transformed literally overnight into a booming African economy and a model for others to follow. For the first time it will be possible for a nobody to make it big in business, just after Kenyans have voted a nobody into State House. Corruption will dramatically reduce and a new extremely prosperous middle class will emerge and take up a very powerful position in the new Kenya.

That is enough for now. Please digest it and tomorrow I will give you some more shocking predictions as I go into more detail concerning why things will happen in the way I am suggesting here. As I said earlier, save this post and hold me to account later.


Anonymous said...

This is the second place I am reading some of these predictions.

Let's c wat happens

Anonymous said...

Ok self proclaimed prophet!

Anonymous said...

Just because you own this blog does not mean you have divine mandate to tell us what will happen in future. We have enough so-called prophets of doom in the country.

It would be wise to just do the posts leave them for discusion and never try to be someone special. My friend you are making a serious error because we are not interested in your ability to consult spirit world (vodoo) in order to force your beliefs into our throats.

Anonymous said...

Anon 8:40 AM,

Who are you trying to fool? You are CHRIS trying so hard!

Chris, you can do better than trying to use anon, whats the matter man, why stoop that low?

Chris said...

Anon @ 8:53, you don't have to read this you know. And I am NOT trying to be someone special.

These predictions are based on an analysis of the current situation in the country.

Gosh!!! I am sooooo used to this reaction and worse. Bring it on guys.


Vikii said...

Well, I am not gonna call you a "nutcase". I obviously do not have sufficient information to arrive at such a conclusion. It has never been explicitly clear whether you are a nutcase or not. I am not a ‘Mr. Know-it-all’ and you are not either. The mere fact that you consider anyone who disagrees with you a know-it-all speaks volumes about the kind of a person you are. We have seen those.

a)The “circumcision regions” that voted for Raila; Can I say this? Don’t you guys understand that accusations of ‘anti-foreskinism’ leveled against those who did not think Raila was the best man to lead Kenya were mainly a brainchild of Raila Odinga himself and his supporters? He came out crying real tears and claiming that colleagues of his in the ODMK did not consider him man enough because he was an uncircumcised Luo. Who exactly said that? This is a victimhood allegation that the Odingas have cooked and used to explain their not so convincing performances in the elections of 92 and 97. What they fail to acknowledge is that Mr. Wamalwa, Charity Ngilu and Kalonzo Musyoka have also been Presidential candidates that did not fair particularly well. Were they Luos? Were they victims of ‘anti-foreskin’ sentiments and passions?
If I can tell you the reason I disagree with you for a minute; I like it when people back their arguments with facts. You and the rest of the ODM membership in this blog and elsewhere have not been very good at this. a)You claim that Raila Odinga “carried most of Kisii”. That’s a very serious allegation. Now tell me, where did you get this information? I mean, you can accuse us of “burrying our heads in the sand” but you guys always look the other side when we furnish you with facts. There are ten constituencies in the Kisii region and Raila Odinga lost to Mwai Kibaki in seven of those ten constituencies. You can download this information here, Raila Odinga according to his “ODM agents, observers and other sources”, gannered 195,015 Kisii votes. Kibaki gannered 214,592. These are not Victor’s figures, these are figures authored by Raila Odinga himself. All he is disputing is the ECK announced figure that Kibaki got 230,149.
The above is not only limited to Kisii. ODM people talk of imaginary wins in many other regions of the country, but when you ask them to prove it, they resort to stone throwing. You guys need to be up your game.

b)”….Mwai Kibaki would not hand over power if defeated by Raila Odinga”
The same old nonsense. He was not defeated. Election winners do not hand over power to the losers.

c)"That Obama would be the next President of the US..”
I doubted it myself. And that is not acrime.

d) "The next president of Kenya after Kibaki will be a younger unknown man who is completely new to politics. (Lets wait and see.)"
Now you need to check yourself into a rehabilitation facility!

joe the choma man said...

thanks for this Nostradamus edition of Kumekucha blog. the predictive power in this post is so poignant with hints of named and unnamed threats coming soon to our beloved country and changing our current way of life that it felt like i was watching a Rambo Movie staring Kiraithe and the Baghdad boys

It is concerning to me that you feel many of these predictions are going to be happening in the short-term near future. my first question is obvious: is there any way Kenya can avoid exploding? surely didn't we learn anything from the post poll violence of December 2007? This explosion is not the Kenya we want

2)the time has definitely come for Kenya to go to elections with newcomers leading the way in the race to statehouse and parliament but Chris please clarify that it can't be just any Tom Dick or Harry... and also clarify if Kenyans are to have newcomers standing for elections then Kenyans themselves need to stop being stupid and do NOT vote again for any of the current seating members of 10th parliament-hata kama iwe nani. don't be stupid again Kenyans

3)i am personally not adverse to certain kenyans getting what has eventually been coming to them all along. it is sad that in our country there are those who graduated from being bad to being evil personified and Kenyan laws have never applied to them and neither can kenyan law enforcement bring them to justice. They blood of innocent kenyans they have murdered in the past is on their hands and for that i say malipo ni hapa hapa duniani. live by the sword die by the sword

4)we need a government that can amaze us again. After Dr. Kibaki killed the NARC spirit in 2002 by squandering all that good will and optimisim that made us the most hopeful people in the world we became an infirm nation again. looking at the faces of Dr.Kibaki, Dr.Raila and Kalonzo its easy to see why we as a nation are nauseated-there was a time when these guys represented a different direction. now all 3 are a broken down record playing a tired old sound thats out of tune with the times-they fast became old dogs who can't learn new tricks and it shows in their political posture. i pity Kalonzo the most because he is still young and would have had a brilliant career politically ahead of him. why did he choose to keep bad company with the likes of KANU, ODM and now PNU? he's become his worst nightmare

PS:- The only vehicle thats proof of bad judgement on the part of the owner is either Mahindra or Nyayo Pioneer One aka PickPockets BUS
Je Chris ulinunua....?

Anonymous said...


As a born again Christian, I am offended by your constant predictions. The future of our country belongs to God. If you read the bible you will be able to see God said "if those who are called by his name cry to God, he will heal their Land". And God will heal our nation!

I am not sure if you are trying to make a name for yourself but the way you are going about it is irresponsible and completely unrealistic.

You know, you make many errors in your so-called investigative journalism notwithstanding your one-sided articles which are nothing but sensationalism journalism. Your judgement is deeply flawed and your short-sightedness is there for all to see.

Just look at the contributors of this blog, almost all have the same belief as yourself. Is that democracy, you like to claim to be democratic?
You removed people like Derek and Vikii from the list and replaced them with emotional disturbed characters like UrXlnc and human worshipping people like Phil .

You need to remove the peck in your own eyes and you will be able to see what is happening to our country. At the moment, you are the least qualified person to predict anything in our nation.

Anonymous said...

Kenya would have been much more peaceful under one party rule and no presidential term restrictions - the poorest man would have enought to eat and would have security; Moi is your man!
look at peaceful Cuba and Venezuala; the problem with Moi is that he is too much of a democrat and has been driving that old bus with thieving pickpocket ministers

Anonymous said...

could have told you in the 90's that a kenyatta relative would have been put forward as the next president....If the US can have Bush and Clinton dynasty.. why not Kenya..??...Kenyatta was too much of a democrat to push forward choose Mbiyu Koinanage.

Anonymous said...

Waangari Mathaii has international stature...Wangaari Mathaii for president...

Anonymous said...

employees in a family business in the 80's told me with great vehemance their lot was much better with respect to standard of living, security and no corrupt police and govt officials in pre '1963 Kenya ?!?!. I asked these family members why could they not double these employees salaries as they had cash falling out of their cash registers??.. they told me they had to collect 10% of sales for the monthly visit (from Nairobi) from a corrupt parastatal manager who threatened to put them out of wonder Das Kapital was banned in Kenya...!!!

Anonymous said...


If you want CHANGE you need to re-think about your contributors and remove those tribal good-for nothing characters. lets have fresh young democratic minds like Joe the Choma-man, B-Cartone, Papa plus,...

Mama said...


Where do you get this stuff? After January 2008, I don't want to see anyone dying for 'democracy' in this country because as we have established, it is not worth it!

I am not prepared to hear people will be razing down people's houses nor do I want to hear of political assassinations happening in a 'big way' in this country just so that they can attain whatever position they want to attain. That is rubbish!

This new Kenya you talk about must be a cursed one if such things ever get to happen.

Anonymous said...

and Vikii

Mai ma Nguku said...


The blood of innocent Kikuyus killed in RV is in your hands! You used this blog to cheer the killing of innocent people.

Tell me how many Kambas cheered the killing of Kikuyus. You are a disgrace to Kamba people! Pray the ghost of your ancestors will not visit you.

Anonymous said...

American tv is reporting a young half brother of Obama was arrested in Nairobi on marijuana possession; when the police discovered who he was they released him unconditionally; perhaps this is the young person kumekucha is refering to that will win the 2012 elections......???

Meanwhile Obama's auntie Zaituni
will have to face a US court for staying in USA illegally.....

Anonymous said...

I hope on the way to this new kenya your website is not closed by police...keep up the good work towards a better Kenya...Karen Blixen and General Dedan Kimathi must be struggling in their graves....

Anonymous said...

hope this new president is not going to be a junior corporal for eg. the airforce....

Anonymous said...

at least you can use the new luxurious public washrooms in Nairobi for a fee; we have to run to the washrooms in Mcdonalds ?!?....ok ok I admit it I ran to Nairobi Hilton.....???

Anonymous said...

hey Chris,lets pray that there will be change without bloodshed.The situation in Kenya now isnt pretty.
The common man needs a lot of help to make it through a single day.Thanks for sharing your valued insight and keeping us on the lookout.Have you been fasting and praying for Kenya these last couple of days or something?

Lets pray for our nation.

Anonymous said...


Your predictions are a sign of senility. Like those witchdoctors who like to predict doom in order to instil fear, that's what you are trying to do.

You are a very misguided dangerous psychopath who like to pretends that you care about this country but have no clue about how to mobilise people for change. Many of those you call know-it-all commentators are way above your thinking. Your mental reasoning is of a five years old and you need to shut up to stop embarrassing yourself!

Here are accurate predictions,

God said vengeance is mine. Watch that space. God is going to revenge for all innocent lives taken away so cruelly because of stolen election. If you cheered or supported violence you will never find peace.

Anonymous said...

Bush government's contribution to turmoil in kenya - last Decembers election

time for Obama to recall us amabassoder ranneburger....

this is what it says:
As tensions mounted, Kenneth Flottman sat in Nairobi and grew increasingly frustrated. He had in his hands the results of an exit poll, paid for by the United States government, that supported the initial returns favoring the challenger, Raila Odinga

Anonymous said...

Chris is always right. remember he predicted that Kibaki was on his death bed somewhere in Sagana?

Anonymous said...

hopefully the next president wil be a Gorabachev and not a Brezhnev, Cherneko, or Putin....

Anonymous said...

I bumped into a person who said he had a beach front property in Kenya in the '70s; one day a lawyer approched him and said so and so big official wants to buy it; he sold it and received funds in foreign currency outside Kenya....?! now what is going on ...there were strict foreign exchange controls in Kenya in the 70' there is one set of rules for some people and another set for the majority.... it appears kenya is being bought and sold outside kenya in the night while the poor have less and less....

Anonymous said...

sereast said...

I only wish that the part of a completely new face ruling Kenya, one that has never been in parliament comes to pass. I don't wish for any other like raids, killings.
Actually, its not just a wish, you see it can be done and "yote yawezekana", all we have to do is come up with a game plan, just like Obama did. You see Obama did not do it alone, he had like minded people behind him and wananchi oiling his campaign, why can't we vet a person for that position and assemble a team of people with unquestionable character and master planners to do this? Just for the love of the nation.

Anonymous said...

yeah....opened by our hero Daniel Moi....!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks Chris! The only part i disagree with is the part about the election of a new president after the current one. Instead Kenya, will basically disintegrate into three general regions - west, central and coast, with sections of Nairobi controlled by urban gangs. The middle class in central will suffer the most as Mungiki takes over that region. The other regions will be led by tribal elders who are still respected. The downwards trend continues!!

Anonymous said...

Chris, how can we verify your "prediction" that moi would choose uhuru? Where can we find those you told at the time? was your prediction before or after moi appeared to be heading that direction? You see if you predict that israel will defeat hamas, there is an almost 100% chance that you you will be proved right.

Anonymous said...

you should consider fortune telling or uchawi coz people here don't believe in your voodoo predictions.

Anonymous said...

Well the situation on the ground probably demands a radical approach to the issues of governance in Kenya.It is apparent that the current crop of leaders are incapable of that visionary leadership,if there is to be a change of guard,God let it be peaceful..

Kimi Raikkonen said...

Mr KK, a furious disorganised rabble driven by rage has never succeeded in taking power since the storming of the bastille and it is not about to happen in Kenya, read your history. Those who try will simply be massacred, as we saw in Kisumu in Jan 2008. Anger and blinding rage is therefore not enough. You need something more compelling than violence, which is just a tool. That 'something' is called BELIEF, and is as far removed from the hunger and lust you mistake as revolutionary zeal as anything. Ever heard of it?
Secondly, young new faces can always turn out to be 'Namwambalets', so don't go there either.

UrXlnc said...

first an aside

wow and this in africa,

kimi @ 6:07 well said

chris: i dont get the wait and see, appears to suggest that some rain or other inexplicable event will unexpectedly happen. in other words people will be pushed to a corner then explode. if thats the case then we are failing, no matter the odds, we need to proactively seek solutions and create (positive) history so to speak

Anonymous said...

I have read ur article and I can for sure say that what we need is a peaceful way to remove these so called bad politicians and tribal chiefs. the Kenya we want is a Kenya that can be based on pure leadership and nothing to do with tribalism. a leader that can transform us. a leader that can bring in reforms that are suitable for national growth. a leader that can see the needs of the common mwananchi. if by peaceful means the people power can remove the current leadership we have, then i am for it. we need fresh thinkers and a lean cabinet. The Kenya we want is actually a good dream that can bring a good future and reality. we dream of a good president elected by the mwananchi, he gives us a leane cabinet of atleast 15 ministers, thus cutting down costs, tarsnform the civil service and end corruption, prosecute without fear or favour anyone implicated in past malpractices within the government. bring in new ideas etc. even the traffic jam is a very simple thing to sortout only that we dont have thinkers. distribute all major goverment offices and ministries around Nairobi and u will soon notice jam will go down... no one thinks in the current government. May God help us all!

deroo said...

In as much as Vikii wishes Xris to check himself into a sanatorium, I wish to support him to the hilt and wonder which Kenya is going to see that happen. The Kenya that idolises and lionises personalities and sanctifies self praise and tribal cocoons?

A Kenya that a political leader calls five members of the opposition (read ODM) to change their constitution in the lawn of his Karen residence. A kenya where the opposition seats are shared after a meal in a Karen home. Wait Chris wait!

Let us assume some truth that, like the Sword of Damocles, ODM is on the verge of disintegration, as it has stayed in that labour pangs for the last eight month, then an unknown man is going to be the president of Kenya. Jimmy Kibaki!!! No and a big one. It will not happen. Unless Sam Okello, who announced his presidency through this medium is going to do so.

Or, are you saying that Bifwoli Wafukla will be the man to watch, or Ikolomani MP Bonny Khalwale? I think these are all people without any clout that can stand the political wave when it rises. Jimmy might inherit Othaya, if his relevance will be needed!

On the other hand, I do not see any potential leader coming up from outside the current ‘bunch of ravenous scroungers, indolent, murderers, or pickpockets as one Daniel Moi refers to them.

Chris, Kenyan politics is so predictable that only a mad man will lose the plot, if not the whole allotment when discussing it. It is already shaping and commentators are soon going to engage throttle gear in dismissing candidatures that will form part of the coming three years of politicking.

So predictable, it is that Charity Kaloki is wondering which part of the Orange she belongs and even the ‘game changer’ Raila Odinga himself is at crossroads.

Imagine, circumcising all Luo men for the sake of presidency in a double pain strategy after some had their six teeth knocked out, anointed as a Kikuyu elder, your son marrying Kikuyu girl…you can have your own clan have their sons marry Kikuyu women, just as Cyprina Awiti’s son did, to emulate Raila’s… It is precious majamaa!

The propaganda machine can run on overdrive for three days, but the main thing is that ODM should first consolidate its core support that is formed in the Kalenjin part of Rift Valley.

Chris and Vikii, if Ruto’s ego overcomes his conscience, and part of the 85million profit that will be paid to a businessman ODM wholly defended after being arrested on suspicion of tribal clashes finds its way to the Ruto campaign team, Raila Odinga’s, sorry Oginga Odinga’s dream will remain as remote as it never materialised. …afa bila kuwa rais…

On the other hand, it is now emerging that PNU, the winner of the elections were right when they were demanding for the exclusion of Ruto from the cabinet, a move that was vehemently castigated by ODM charlatans led by Balala, who is himself in a bigger scandal than Ruto’s.

Now, let us see ODM chatterboxes shout their voices hoarse. What is good for the gander is good for the goose. Do unto Ruto as you did unto Kimunya and let ODM die. ASAP

Until that day that they will publicly announce that they have part ways, watch Kiraitu, Kalonzo, Kenyatta and Ruto. Forget Kinuthia and his bit of Rift Valley.

He who laughs last, laughs loud…and hell hath no fury

Anonymous said...

Please be is easier to carry out political assassinations when noone is looking. Thanks in advance.

Anonymous said...

In 2012 not only will the President be someone who has never even been MP before, the President will be Mzungu.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Vikii. You have written a brilliant piece. We need bloggers like you. Let these ODM cult followers know that shouting loudest is not related to wisdom but to sycophancy. President Kibaki won the elections but the evil ODM had their agenda of plunging the country into civil war. We shall never forget how they burned innocent kids in Church. Never! That is why some of us in PNU shall never forgive the President for accepting to bring ODM thugs in the Govt. Look at the maize and oil theft in just 12 months. Kioko, BC, Canada.

Anonymous said...

This is my prediction; Kenya will go the the Zambia way. We will have a snap election before 2012 and Raila will rule this country. He will become an all powerful president thanks to the draft constitution. There will be no more violence after 2007-2008. His detractors will run to other countries because Kenya will be too tight for them. Only then will Kenya prosper and have a good future.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...