If you played God over Kenya for just a single day you would laugh until your poor ribs ached. You would laugh at the sheer stupidity of this cancer called tribalism.
Now as God for just a day, you would be able to read minds and know exactly what people were thinking. You would be able to see exactly how many assassins were at the scene when Tom Mboya was assassinated and solve the mystery of who exactly the bald-headed man who pulled the trigger was. You would no all secrets and be familiar with all skeletons hidden in people's closets.
But the hilarious part would involve this Kikuyu chauvinist very proud of his tribe and who totally believes that the Kikuyu are superior and the only tribe capable of ruling Kenya as they have proved twice already. Hata serikali ya Moi ilisimama na bahati, no other tribe is capable of establishing and maintaining a government and that is just a pure fact, according to our friend.
Now why would a typical Kikuyu tribalist interest God? Patience, my son, patience my daughter. You will discover the hilarious truth in a moment.
As God for 24 hours you will also be able to see all the sins against the Luo community that our bigot Kikuyu extremist has committed over the years. What he did at campus and what he did at Naivasha during the post election violence. You will also see that he has no apologies to make.
Now let us call this guy Njoro (short for Njoroge). The name of his mother is Jemima Wairimu Chege and his father is called John Kamau Ngotho. And so he is pure Kikuyu “superior” blood… or is he?
As God you would be able to see what happened some 30 years ago when a civil servant called Jemima Wairimu Chege was sent out of town on an assignment. There was a seminar in Embu town that she attended. You would also know that she spent the night in Embu where she got rather cozy with a Mr Moses Waga. A tall drop-dead handsome Luo from the office who always wore a suit. He was also a very charming man with the ladies and invited Jemima Wairimu for a drink that evening. Jemima’s life back home with her husband was always so boring. He never took her out for a drink or anything but John Kamau Ngotho was a good provider and responsible husband and that is all that mattered.
Now in your position up there you would be able to see a lot of things as you delve into this critical history. You would for instance be able to realize just how true it is that alcohol tends to affect the legs of woman and the brains of man. It causes a woman’s legs to spread very easily and with abandon (need I say more?). And it causes a man’s brain to shift momentarily from his head to the lower parts of his anatomy. That combination is deadly and it is what led to the conception of a man called Njoro.
As God you would be able to laugh at this silly tribalism thing in small-minded Kenyans because the fact of the matter is that the rabid Kikuyu bigot called Njoro who loves to call Luos stupid is actually a Luo who thinks he is a Kikuyu. His biological father is one Moses Waga from Gem, deep in Luo Nyanza.
So who is he really insulting every time he opens his mouth and calls Luo’s stupid?
Get rid of those tribalism demons mate, even your mother may not be so sure what tribe you really are… so why should tribe matter so much?
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