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Friday, February 09, 2007

A Real Life Masai Story From Kenya: What To Do When Your Neighbor Falls Madly In Love With Your Wife

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I had heard talk about this amazing Masai story before, but just recently it was confirmed to me by a genuine Masai warrior based in Mombasa, Kenya and whose real reason for being so far away from Masai country and so close to where all the tourists flock, I could not verify immediately.

The Masai culture allows a man to have any married woman in the village and beyond as long as she is married to a person of the same age group. So what happens when a warrior falls in love with somebody else's wife (as is inevitably bound to happen) and wants more of her than is permissible in Masai culture? And the husband naturally gets wind of what is going on and feels the need to make a point? The husband does exactly what some men do the world over, they murder the damned "wife snatcher". Only that murder in this case is accomplished fairly "technically" so that there is no suspicion.

One of the chief chores of a Masai warrior in the community is to help hunt down rogue lions that sometimes attack their herds of cattle. Cows are valued above anything else by the meat-loving Masai tribe. It is the currency that proves a person's real wealth in the community.

Watching the Masai hunt down a lion is not for the faint hearted. A group of about six warriors or more will corner a lion and surround it. They will then begin to hurl spears at it. Inevitably the lion will strike out with its' paws during the encounter and badly injure or even kill one or two of the warriors before it finally succumbs to the numerous spears embedded in it's body. The victorious survivors in the ordeal will then carry the carcass back to the village as they break into song and dance. Little wonder that most times when a lion catches the scent of a Masai, it will flee and try to get as far away possible as it can possibly get. However sometimes it succumbs to hunger and the promise of easy prey and very soft succulent meat that a Masai herd promises. Alas, the lion will almost always have to pay with it's life for this moment of sheer "culinary pleasure".

So this Masai warrior (we shall call him Ole Randy Warrior) falls head over heels in love with the wife of his age mate (we shall call him Ole Jealous Husband). What really bowls him over about her is the natural wide gap in her front teeth. Masai men believe any woman with such a gap is some insanely "hot chic" and an exceptional lover (we shall call Ole Jealous Husband's wife, Hot Number). Ole Randy Warrior's spear ends up being seen at the entrance to Ole Jealous Husband's bedroom too many times. And poor Jealous Husband cannot help seeing the glow that appears in his wife's face when he leaves for the bush every morning. It is obvious that Hot Number is looking forward to much more than the usual chores of the day. It is all too much for the Masai warrior.

So Jealous Husband pretends that he has no clue as to what is going on and becomes very friendly to Randy Warrior. Meanwhile he waits patiently for his opportunity to commit murder. It presents itself soon enough. Jealous Husband's excitement reaches fever pitch one day as he find himself in hot pursuit, alongside Randy Warrior, of a rogue lion that has attacked and fed on several cows belonging to the village. The warriors have been looking for this particular lion for months. Now the animal is within their grasp and they will not allow it to escape. Jealous Husband positions himself strategically right next to Randy Warrior as they surround the huge animal.

The roar of a lion alone causes the ground to shake and would make most men pass urine on themselves just from hearing it. But these are Masai warriors, the roar just excites them.

It is critical in moments like this that everybody throws they spear at about the same time. Anybody who throws theirs a split second earlier will most probably end up dead because the wounded lion will hurl itself in that direction first and kill the warrior instantly with a powerful swipe from it's paw which breaks the neck. Death comes instantaneously. Driven by jealousy and revenge, two extremely strong emotions, even in Masai country, Jealous husband releases his spear a split second earlier and even as it flies through the air, he pretends to slip and fall forward, and conveniently out of the way, leaving Randy Warrior in the clear path of the lion that leaps so fast that the warriors only see it when it's deadly paws swipes at Randy Warrior killing him instantly.

As the warriors victoriously carry the carcass of the dead lion back to the village, they are very suspicious. Murder is not allowed even amongst the Masai. But nobody can prove anything. Even Hot Number is very suspicious but like all Masai women she fears her husband and does not dare say anything. Jealous Husband knows that her "wound" at losing her favorite lover will heal with time.

This is not fiction.

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Would you dare DATE a real Masai Man?


wipeout said...

Hahahaha! This is not fiction!

Katie said...

It` sounds like a very genuine story, did Ole Jealous Husband reveal this or what happened?

Anonymous said...

This is better than the modern way marriage system to me. I like almost evrything about it, except the women fear their husband.

Apart from the wide gap between the teeth, what else do the men admire more with the women.

Anonymous said...

We also admire long hair, open and candid smile, and a nice rounded butt...

~Head Masai

Coconana said...

Wait... So if I marry a creepy man who has another wife, I can take a sexy Masai warrior as my lover?!!! Wow! If I wasn't a Christian, I wouldn't mind. However, the fact that they beat their wives disgusts me. A real man uses his strength to build things, not break things.

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