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Monday, April 15, 2013

Kumekucha hangs his head in shame as Ruto defies his analysis yet again

If you have been a regular reader of Kumekucha you will have known a long time ago that Deputy president William Ruto is an extremely passionate and emotional man. 

You will also probably know that only real men cry. Forget that cr** African children are brought up with that deludes them into believing that men never cry. Indeed let Ruto's frequent tears NOT fool you because behind them is a man who gets things done, indeed nobody else played a bigger role than the former Eldoret North MP in getting Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta into State house as detailed in my latest book Mystery Monday complete with the Yoweri Museveni link that turned an impossible presidency into a reality.

This is the man who has turned set backs into huge game-changing advantages again and again. You underestimate the man at your own peril (as even this blogger has found out and been forced to eat his words more than once). For instance there is a pretty amazing tale behind the reason why he achieved the impossible in the just concluded presidential elections and got the Kalenjin community to vote for Uhuru even as they still refuse to welcome back some displaced Kenyans to the Rift Valley. What he said to to the head-strong and unpredictable community in the Kalenjin dialect (detailed in  my raw notes) worked like a charm. He is the same man who has outsmarted some very powerful and dangerous people in Kenya today (including the "dark forces" that President Uhuru talked about at one point during the campaigns). And he has done it again and again.

The good news for all Kenyans no matter how you voted is the fact that this amazing brain has now been unleashed on the enormous problems facing the country.

Hate him or like him this is the man who will be driving forward the agenda on our shores and making decisions that will have far reaching effect and impact on your life as a Kenyan. This is the reality whether you like it or not and so you had better start paying more than casual attention to him and what he does.

Indeed the story of Ruto is a modern day rags to riches tale made only in Kenya that proves the important point that anybody can lift themselves up by their bootstraps from being a nobody to anything including becoming the most powerful man in Kenya. Today it is hard to recognize the man with blood shot eyes yawning from hunger pangs and hanging around at the famous jobless corner near Hilton hotel barely 10 short years ago.

So the question that I am sure is lingering on your mind as you read this is; what did Ruto ell his people in his mother tongue that caused them to do what many (including this blogger) has said time and again was impossible? What role exactly did he play in the just concluded elections that I have christened Mystery Monday? The answers are astounding to say the least and many who have discovered the truth have said that to them it was totally unexpected. "Oh My oh My" one reader wrote to me in a recent email. It is a long story that I cannot tell here but what is important is to get one fact firmly on your mind; NEVER EVER underestimate Bwana Ruto. NEVER.

Admittedly there are many who are reading this and wondering whether this blogger has forgotten who Ruto really is, especially his dark side and the evil that he has done in the past. Well I haven't. In fact that track record is well detailed in my blog for posterity and for those who in the excitement and astounding achievements that are coming may be tempted to forget. Indeed this is why it is such a good idea to make sure you read Mystery Monday to discover the devious ways old man impunity used to bring confusion to what should have been a simple straight forward presidential election to find the successor of President Mwai Kibaki. Instead what happened is that there was a huge unprecedented famine as far as information from the media was concerned and some very clever people got everybody scared and singing peace, peace even as we shouted 'hate speech" every time some alert fellow Kenyan tried to give us information. The truth is that while the attention of Kenyans was diverted we were defiled and repeatedly raped.

It seems that we have all forgotten one critical truth. The post election violence of 2008 were NOT caused by voters who did not want to accept the election results. Actually they were caused by a handful of very powerful individuals who got away with daylight robbery in full view of everybody and did not care much that the price was multitudes of innocent lives lost. The voices of those innocent dead will not stop crying out to the Almighty from the blood drenched soil of our country... even if we pour heavy duty concrete on that screaming dirt and put up a gleaming prosperous twin tower skyscraper that will create millions of brand new jobs for Kenyans.


Taabu said...


Please leave Jubilee alone. Your posts are in contempt of the Supreme Court. Uhuruto won free, fair and credible elections as Mutunga observed. Wacha fitina.

Ruto is a HUSTLER and not rich (just over 20 years NOT 10!).

Meanwhile Luka has promised to report you to Kibunja for post-election HATE SPEECH.

Let the PEACE COMA continue.

Mwarang'ethe said...

Instead of telling us STALE and CHILDISH NONSENSE, we would be glad to be educated on the BENEFITS of your new Katiba as we see here:

(a) "5,000 officers to be used in VIP security."

"The number of police officers deployed to protect politicians and other VIPs is set to rise from 2,000 to 5,000 — representing more than five per cent of the total number of 70,000 officers in the police service."

"The large number proposed is based on the need to provide security to the 14 Cabinet secretaries likely to be named this week, as well as 343 MPs, 67 senators, 94 county governors and their deputies, various holders of constitutional offices and heads of parastatals, among others."

As a KEEN and CRYING SUPPORTER of this Katiba, you ought to spend sometime EDUCATING us on the BENEFITS that YOUR OWN son will derive from the above.


(b) "United in greed: MPs demand Sh1 million untaxed pay."

"Members of Parliament are at it again. This time with more zeal, even threatening to paralyze the activities of the government if their outrageous demands of higher salaries are not met. The plot also includes blackmailing President Uhuru Kenyatta to submission."

Again, please, take a few MOMENTS of your BUSY RESEARCH life and EDUCATE US on the BENEFITS you are deriving from the above:


What does such EXCESSIVE TAXATION lead to:

(a) "Rice farmers face losses on lack of ready markets."

Rice farmers at Bunyala Irrigation Scheme in Busia County face heavy losses due to POOR STORAGE and lack of READY MARKET market despite a bumper harvest this year.


(b) Punishment of wealth creators:

"A recent survey carried out by KSB shows that Kenya’s sugar industry faces a higher taxation regime in comparison to the largest sugar producers within Comesa — Mauritius and Egypt.

Kenyan millers are taxed an overall of 24 per cent of their production cost. A reduction of this, she says, would be a good starting point for the industry.

“Sugar levy is four per cent while cess stands at four per cent of the overall production cost, this is high considering our competitors abolished such high rates a long time ago.”


(c) In Nyeri, the POOR Kenyans who will be taxed to protect so called Governors and Senators by the 5000 cops we are hearing that:

"Residents FIGHT OVER FOOD food at Wambui's homecoming."

For HEAVEN'S sake, can't you discuss issues that matter to Wanjiku?

Oh! you are still singing about PAST USELESS OPIUM SESSIONS!

Bure kabisa hawa watu wanasema ati wamesoma!

Wamesoma nini?

Anyway, since this is the UNIVERSITY OF GIKOMBA language which is not POLISHED [idiotic nonsense], we leave to enjoy:


Luke said...

Chris my brother,
i could not agree more REAL MEN cry that is why i watch the latest mexican soap operas on NTV particularly MAID IN MANHATTAN because it is time African Men to learn how to SHED TEARS FREELY from the more advanced MZUNGU especially the South American men whose WHITE LOOKS leave Kenyan women quaking in their skirts

Ever heard of one WILLIAM LEVI? He is the latest HEARTTHROB causing even former VP sleepless nights- and when you see them acting on MAID IN MANHATTAN NTV Monday night 7:35pm you will appreciate REAL MEN ARE EMOTIONAL

Just ask Taabu after a MUFC game

wewe wacha zako Have you PLEDGED ALLEGIANCE TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE R.O.K or should i call Mzalendo Kibunja.....?

Anonymous said...

When you have a blood smeared hand, witnesses are dying, you have a case here and there and then you ask the Lord to help you, He will help indeed. But first repent. It is difficult to repent. That that causes tear shedding in the Church.

Anonymous said...


Gutierraz, the Cuban, is the only one has been granted a temporary license to act it out at will as scripted on screen by his directors, and has the social immunity to get away with it among millions of viewers around the world.

Unfortunately, thousands of very powerful men who have allowed their lives to imitate art - Maid In Manhattan - on a personal level have ended up being disgraced in one way or another over the last hundred years.

There are those of us who still had a feeling that some of us would have been fatigued or even exhausted by now after viewing reruns of the captivating episodes of the Maid In Mahanttan, while at the same time remaining very circumspect of the real 'man hunters' on the prowl.

Anyhow, lest we forget that there is only one Gutierraz, the Cuban, out there, so let the rest of us be very careful of what we may wish for in light of the Maid in Manhattan, unless we want to join the ranks of DSK, the one time very powerful man.

And who knows, the unlucky ones among us may end up as conditional guests of the chian hotels managed by the GK Prisons in our own backyard versions of Kamiti, Lang'ata, Naivasha, King'ong'o, Manyani, Shimo-la-Tewa, Kodiaga, Shikusa, et al.

The Constitution has empowered the local law enforcement officers to come to the rescue of any victims, as well as for the court systems to met out appropriate justice that fits a DSK type of very - luxurious - risk taking adventures.

As usual, let us all respect the hard working Maid In Manhattan at all times, but also be very watchful of the real man hunters on the prowl.

Anonymous said...

Seasoned warriors and warrioresses don't cry, or do they?

As a matter of fact, it is hard to discover and grasp the fundamentals and complexities of why some people in our midst cry rivers flowing with tears of joys, or tend to release light streams of tears in state of overwhelming emotion.

Most warriors and warrioresses are known to shed a tear or two while in a celebratory circle of dance only after a long hunt has been successfully accomplished and all their comrades accounted for and back in the corral.

So, Kumekucha of all people should never hold his head in shame but instead offer a brief gesture of acknowledgement, recognition or praise in honour of - William - Kipchirchir Samoei arap Ruto's recent historic political accomplishments that may end up changing the country's political landscape in a long time to come.

Ruto was a person who was always known to be more ambitious than the average students and his peers, before, during and after his days of being enlightened at the country's only institution of higher learning that was better known as thee UoN.

In the meantime, let credit be extended where its due, due to the fact that while the stakes were so high, and the social, economic, and political landscapes - of Kenya - had become too complex for many of Ruto's comrades-in-07 elections, and political associates to understand, he developed new ways of seeing and thinking about them.

And then went on to develop a well calculated political move that enbaled him to head in a totally new political direction that ended up landing him into the current position of the country's first deputy president.

The rest is history, that will be written by political historians as well as analyzed by political scientists - the type of second, third and fourth generations that will dare themselves into following in bold analytical footsteps of the likes of Mutahi Ngunyi and company.

Anonymous said...

4/15/13 @12:36 PM

It is very difficult for one to feel or express sincere regret or remorse about any political wrongdoing from a distant past or even in recent times at a time when his or her commander in chief is still lives in denial and contiues to feign absolute innocence after the fact.

By the way, please - can you or anyone out there with a rational mind - explain how two rival commanders of warring armies can manage to keep or maintain their hands squeaky clean at a time when all the combined hands of their senior officers above the rank of major general and below general are already deeply saturated with very deadly contributory acts of commission and omission on the field of battle?

Anonymous said...

Are some people trying to whip up an issue for something that is not? How soon have the very same people forgotten the fact one famous Biblical figure who is still remembered for his youthful victory against his neighbouring opponents, and later political conquests, was granted help and forgiveness, whenever he asked his "the Lord".

Anonymous said...

What did Ruto tell his people in his mother togue that caused them to do what what many (including this blogger) has said time and again was impossible?

My beloved and trusted people, as you all know by now, I may not be the one entrusted with the tip of the spear that still leads and guides our various communities from all the four corners of our regions.

However, I would like to take this rare opportunity in order to remind us all that we have been living chained to the walls of political caves all our lives facing a blank communal wall, while at the same time watching own disappearing as well as deminished shadows.

Which also includes the distant shadows of the leaders of our current allies, who have never stopped engaging in the political games of going back and forth - with wondering eyes - in a manner that seems they do not ever have the real desire, interest nor will of getting our community out of the current darkened political caves.

Therefore, after having given it much thought, I would like to humbly inform our community that the shadows on the walls of our caves will no longer be ours nor will they remain our reality for the next five to ten years, but they will definitely be a thing of the past if we all agree to change our ways and cease from watching shadows on the walls of our communal caves.

So, we must not only stop watching shadows and at the same time come out of our current caves, but we must head out and seek a different pathway that will lead most of communal leaders and the whole community back to the real nucleus where very essential decisions are discussed and made by those who are charged by the responsibilities of running and managing our whole nation.

I now urge our people to allow me to be the arrowhead - not the community's tip of the spear - of our regional team that will forge new alliances with other people who are ready and willing to walk with us along the pathway that will lead our people back to the nucleus of the big gathering, once again.

The old days of cave watching and believing in our disappearing shadows are all over, and we must walk away from the darkened political caves full of shadow alliances that will not help our community achieve its desired goals after March 4th, 2013.

The moment of walking out and away from the caves has arrived and it is up to everyone of us take the critical step from now onwards. The choice is in all of our hands, and I will not derail our objectives and dreams this time around.

Anonymous said...


How comes the RACIST/African teacher has not yet COINED some conspiracy on Boston blasts. Please engage your oasis of unrivalled inteligence and toboa.

But while at it no cut-and-paste please.

Anonymous said...

Chris of Kumekucha,

For the record, William Kipchirchir Samoei Ruto, the vanquisher, musaja wa basaja, will continue to defy all sorts of existing analysis, including the already preconceived notions, opinions, judgment, predictions and prevailing fears about his modus operandi within the new admisntration.

Fortunately for the general public, he may end up being a voice of much needed reason, a person with valuable insight and the foresight when it comes to running the everyday affairs of the country, unlike in the past where previous vice presidents have always played a limited role confined to their reserved ceremonial status as errand runners.

Unfortuantely for the electorate and rest of the citizenry, he may end up doing very little in dealing with the disgusting MPigs of the not so august house, who are back at it again, clamouring for one of the highest salary packages and excessive perks for legislators in the whole world.

The disgusting MPigs have already set their salivating eyes focused on the open season feeding troughs at the nation's treasury, ready to advance in a headlong rush should their utterly odious demands be granted by the powers that be, although the public expects one in the person of Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta will not cave in to their racketeering activities but act on the contrary.

Suffice it to say the general public finds the MPigs' insistent, peremptory and vulturous methods of operation and parliamentary extortion to be very abhorrent by all legislative standards known to humankind.

There are those of us who have been left wondering, how in the name of real change, moving forward and far away from the sordid political past, did we, the gullible electorate, end up electing a second wave of deadly predatory members of parliament back to the disgusting - not august - house of parliament?

What really went wrong with most of us who are responsible for promoting the same old breed of MPigs to higher feeding grounds at our own peril?

Whether we like it or not - tupende tusipende - we are stuck with predatory MPigs for the next five years, unless something new crops up that will put them all in check and where they belong - deeply nosed in the feeding troughs over flowing with affordable malenge, ndizi, mihogo, nduma and viazi filled feeding troughs.

In a democracy, people usually get the kind of government they deserve, and they deserve what they get every five years.

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