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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Sacked Judges Reflect Our Rotten National Values

The Judges and Magistrates Vetting Board has exposed the rot that most Kenyans would rather have under wraps. The decision to fire top judges who have been acting as gate keeepers of corrupt regimes and owners of Kenya should act as a sounding board that it is not business as usual. Times and Kenya have changed ahead of her citizens. The lack of bigots pointing fingers at Sharad Rao and his team is a clear testimony of the wider objectivity and acceptability of the execution of their mandate.

Previous acts of impunity are speedily catching up with their perveyors. No other institution is best placed to lead by example and from infront than the Judiciary. This is a profession steeped deep in tradition baggaged with heavy Englich language with no commensurate actions. Clinging on seniority while offering no ground-breaking progressive judments amounts to nothing but taking pride is a catalogue of previous mistakes packaging the as experience.

The Rao team had their eyes singularly trained on the forest and refused to be distracted by the thorny trees. The Goldenberg scam will remain a blot on the conscience of our leaders for years to come and by pinning both Nyamu and Bosire on the same was an indictment of their colleective and personal incopetence and judicial insensitivity. One is left shuddering if Riaga Omollo were to succeed in becoming the Chief Justice last year.

Whoever branded lawyers as legal scoundrels had massive brain wave of a genius. That our Judiciary lack philosophical depth need no gainsaying. Forget Nyamu's elementary attempt at poetry while protecting the corrupt. The Vetting Board has reawakened the hitherto lost national renewal of 2002. Those who butchered our national pride as the happiest people in the whole world must be ashamed of their brutal acts.

But all is not lost, we have an opportunity to engineer the change we want. If only we could seize the moment and walk the talk. But can we? Only time will tell. Over to you dear Kenyans.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

How Prof Ole Kiyiapi Might Just Sneak in to State House

By Mpesa 
The elections are still a long way ahead yet we have these bizarre rituals, murder plots and other funny conspiracy theories being floated about by wild politicians as they go about sowing their political wild oats. By the time we hit August, Kenyans will be sick and tired of all the politicking going on. It will be hard for these tiresome politicians who are dancing themselves lame before the main event to keep that lead on opinion polls and this is where the "unknown unknowns" like Prof Ole Kiyiapi might just sneak in. 

I was watching this charismatic Kenyan being interviewed on live TV this morning (Citizen) and wondered why we Kenyans keep electing thieves, crooks, liars and cheats who happen to be tribal bigots in place of the likes of Ole Kiyiapi, the late Wangari Maathai among others. What's so fascinating about these overnight billionaires and crooks we keep on electing some who would idle around "jobless corner" outside Hilton just some few years back. 

Ole Kiyiapi was even candid enough to declare his wealth to all Kenyans, he's still renting in the city (lucky me at least I have a mortgage) and just bought a car the other day which he's still paying for among other interesting revelations. Now, just imagine someone like Saitoti declaring his wealth on live TV and telling us how he made all his billions! 

I think Kenyans are at a crossroads. We either elect someone like Ole Kiyiapi who means well for this nation or the usual crooks who are promising to unleash hell if they are not elected. Personally I'm not saying I will automatically vote Ole Kiyiapi, but I wish more honest guys like him would come forward so we can have a wide selection. I believe it's time for Kenyans to be very angry this year with the usual order of things and start thinking outside the box- and not what tribe so and so represents!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Secrets Behind Bizarre Gitobu Imanyara Carjacking

Some people seem to think that Gitobu Imanyara’s harrowing experience the other day in the hands of hoodlums who threatened him was a joke. After all politicians claim all the time that their lives are in danger.

However there are two details (stranger than fiction) in the Gitobu Imanyara saga that makes it stand out and indeed very scary to Kenyans who are sensitive to these things.

The first is that the whole incident took place just a few metres from the precincts of State house Nairobi.

Secondly the bizarre instructions that the legislator was given. That is to face Mount Kenya and utter the words; “Uhuru tuko Pamoja.” Why face Mount Kenya? Why utter those particular words? Why three times?

The whole of the area surrounding State house Nairobi is a high security zone and understandably so. You don’t move around in that area armed to the teeth, let alone carjack a legislator and ask him to kneel on the road while you casually threaten him. That is plain insanity. Unless of course you were for some reason not scared of the presidential security detail. Now under what circumstances would you not be worried about the presidential security detail? Kindly chew on that, digest and then figure it out for yourself.

The facing Mount Kenya business has a lot of significance also.

Those who have read my landmark book “Dark Secrets of the Kenyan Presidency” (Go to THIS page and scroll down to the bottom to get your free copy of the book in your email today) will know that the founding father of the nation was raised by a famous medicine-man. This was after he lost both his parents at a tender age.

Magana (the name of that witchdoctor) told Kenyatta when he was very young that he was destined to be a very famous leader one day. He also told the youngster that his leadership was tied to Mount Kenya and that when the time came some sacrifices would be required on that mountain. That is why Kenyatta stuck to traditional beliefs all his life and he believed Mount Kenya was a sacred mountain. And this is one of the reasons why he wrote the book Facing Mount Kenya. The rest of this bizarre story is in my book including the sacrifice that is said to have been made on that mountain for the Jomo Kenyatta presidency.

Fast forward to the presidential elections of 2002 and sacrifices were again made on Mount Kenya on behalf of the presidential candidate Uhuru Kenyatta.

I will not go further in explaining the full spiritual implications of these actions because it is my firm belief that my readers cannot handle it. However what I can confidently reveal to you here and now is that we are already in the season of witchdoctors and withcraft. A vast majority of politicians right across the political divide have already consulted witchdoctors or will do so in the next few weeks and months. Presidential candidates may even find that the witchdoctors in the country are not powerful enough and will seek outside ones most notably in countries like Tanzania, Nigeria and India.

The bizarre Gitobu Imanyara incident is just a tip of the iceberg. All over the country as you read this, politicians even very well educated chaps are visiting these strange places and these full grown men are doing all kinds of bizarre things in the name of winning the forthcoming polls. Repeating words and phrases three times or seventy seven times. Having sex with corpses or old women etc. We are in campaign season and what is even more worrying is that it may end up being a very prolonged campaign season.


I have just released the most explosive raw notes I have penned in a very long times. Get free samples of past raw notes at rawnotes@listwire.com

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Evans Kidero Governorship Bid: Good intentions, Bad Calculations?

By Mpesa and Anon@4:53
Any publicity is good publicity. We can all pick Waititu from the crowd any day but who can recognize this Evans Kidero guy or that Philip Kisia who has messed up our city from where former town clerk Gakuo left off?

Evans Kidero: Aggressively campaigning for Nairobi governor.
I agree with Chris, like or hate him, Waititu (also famous for stuffing wads of notes in his socks like a real makanga) is the man to beat! I predicted right here that Sonko was the man to beat in Makadara long before that by-election after watching him closely and his relationship with the walala hoi. Waititu is a real hustler who also runs a garbage collection business in the city and has employed hundreds of down and out youths. He is just using Sonko's well tested formula of representing the hopeless and showing them he feels their pain by joining them in slum demonstrations and hurling stones at people who grab their precious little unlike designer suit wearing and snobbish Kidero and Kisia who would rather be seen dead than "chafuaing" their hands in stone throwing!

Anon@4:53 Adds;
Evans Kidero of all people a front runner for Nairobi governor? Are you really sure Chris? Why the mention of Evans Kidero with regard to seeking one of the high profile political seats in the nation's capital?

With all due respect to Kidero, his underground political network, old time golfing buddies, and his diehard sympathizers, running for the gubernatorial elections in any part of the country is way far beyond Kidero's league.

And this includes other so-called ambitious (former and current) CEOs, PSs, military officers (rtd) and school teachers who are busy trying to seek or take a bite at the sordid parliamentary pies in high profile urban elections in 2013.

Good intentions, bad calculations for one sugar plantation manager, a man who needs to first learn how to crawl before he can even try walking in his own home backyard of somewhere in the region west or east of the vast sugar plantation under his supervision.

And as for the so-called Raila support for people like Kidero and company, it will amount to zilch, (zero, nada, bila, sufuri), in any far away places like in the metropolitan regions of the country.

Even in Kibera of all places, Kidero will not win any amount of votes that will place him above the other four candidates who have already decided to seek the soon to be vacant parliamentary seat of Kibera.

Running a sugar plantation, whereby Kidero has been so used to flying out to Nairobi on the company's 'semi-hired' plane (in the same manner the European nyaparas of old used to do) at a moment's notice does not qualify him for being the right candidate for the gubernatorial seat in Nairobi.

Not that there's any person out there who is suitable yet to govern the very huge metropolitan plantation that is hundred times more complex than the rural sugar plantation where it's so easy to please the sugar farmers with little bonuses here and there during every other harvest season. Or when all fails, have the farmers held hostage with scary tales and rumours about plummeting sugar prices on the world markets.

Flying out to Nairobi every weekend to play a around of golf, or having lunch with business associates on company's dime (ndururu) should NOT make people like Kidero overestimate their political abilities beyond the limited confines of their current corporate plantations.

People like Kidero and company are not yet ready for showtime in the political arenas of seeking elective office in places such as Mumias ("his adopted backyard"), Kisumu, Nakuru, let alone in Mombasa or even Nairobi.

By the way, Waititu wa Matata would defeat Kidero hands-down in a landslide victory whether all of Waititu's opponents in and around the city of Nairobi like him or not.

There are some really shocking Musalia Mudavadi revelations in my latest raw notes. Get sample notes now by sending an email now to rawnotes@listwire.com

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Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Survey Shows Surprising Front Runners For Nairobi Governorship

Politics in Kenya is going to be extremely interesting and engrossing over the next couple of years.

Take a recent Kumekucha survey done to determine who would win governor of Nairobi if elections were to be held today.


Ferdinand Waititu: The people's governor?

Fiery stone-throwing MP for Embakasi Ferdinand Waititu would win by a landslide and his closest rival would be Evans Kidero. I still can’t bring myself to believe those results!

This is the kind of news that would greatly alarm those who own Nairobi and would like a polished governor to match the status of the most prestigious city in the region and beyond. Indeed people in places like Dar-es-salaam usually talk about going to Nairobi like they were going to London.

Bureaucrats will be equally alarmed at my survey results because the Nairobi governor will have sweeping powers and a colossal budget to boot and so the post would require somebody who has a quick grasp of numbers so that they can make the right decisions for the city in the sun. Honorable Waititu certainly does not fit the bill.

A former chair-hurling councilor at city hall Waititu is wildly popular at the grassroots and even in slum areas that are outside his Embakasi constituency. He says that he got his “degrees” from India (it is a legal requirement that a candidate for governor possesses a university degree from a recognized institution of higher learning). Still he is the kind of brush and uncouth character who has been caught on TV cameras actually assaulting somebody who was “trying to grab my people’s land.” Indeed this is a man whom the ordinary down and out Kenyans living in slums see as one of their own.

But hate him or like him, he will be the candidate to beat for Nairobi governor.

The view of this blogger is that I hate polished pretenders who are responsible for a lot of the problems facing the country today and nobody (not even me) has the right to oppose the choice of the people. The reality is that the votes that will decide the governor of Nairobi are not in the leafy estates of Westlands and Muthaiga but in the filthy slums of Nairobi.

The way things are going the race for Nairobi governor is going to be even more interesting than that for the presidency. I am looking forward to it because there are plenty of political lessons to be learnt by many naïve readers of this blog and other Kenyans.

P.S. Apparently Evans Kidero has been doing his homework in the grass roots because I was shocked when his name showed up as runner up in my survey for governor of Nairobi. There is no doubt that support from PM Raila Odinga has helped his campaign efforts considerably.

There are some really shocking Musalia Mudavadi revelations in my latest raw notes. Get sample notes now by sending an email now to rawnotes@listwire.com

Saturday, April 07, 2012

What Is Gema Really Up To?

By Anonymous and Mpesa

I think the problem is that Kumekucha Chris has missed the point in the previous post.

I think the Gema illuminati, more than anyone else, know that those signatures and petitions will not stop a legal process from advancing. Instead, what we should ask ourselves is why the Gema meeting?

You will find that Uhuru has for the past couple of years been pretty much up there in leadership and this concretized sometime last year-so the timing of the Gema meeting to make this announcement is out of sync with happenings. So what might be the value to the Gema illuminati of having held this meeting? I think there are two things. One, to test the extent to which the rest of the country would be rattled by the prospects of a unified Gema. This has succeeded. Two, to bait the "Raila domo domo" group. This has succeeded immensely. There has been a flurry of writings, statements and so on, many of which are incendiary and fit rather well in the category HATE SPEECH. The rest will be history-stay tuned.

I wonder, why are the odomos so slow to pick up nuances?

Mpesa adds...
The International Criminal Court based at The Hague in Netherlands does not recognize tribal groupings like GEMA and KAMATUSA. The Hague bound train left the station long time ago and is unstoppable. Let's assume Uhuru was elected the president of Kenya (which will be a tall order..) do you think other leaders from across the world would even dare shake the hand of someone facing the most heinous crimes known to man? Leaders of the world would rather be dead than pose smiling with someone who could end up being guilty. And that's the message Uhuru got when he tried to cling on Finance docket, "mere" ministers from other countries were ignoring him and that's why he had to quit. And if the Kibaki Administration fails to cooperate with the ICC (which they are planning to do!) then we shall be hit with severe sanctions that will cripple our economy and hurt Kenyans (GEMA included) real bad.

For starters, expect a total ban on flowers being exported to Europe, rendering thousands of poor Kenyans jobless and of course with that crime shoots through the roof. Ditto foreign tourists and this will cause hundreds of hotels to be shut and more job losses. If you think the price of unga and petrol is high, just wait when we are slapped with vikwazos. All these for the sake of Muthamaki (one of the richest men in Africa) who believes he was born to rule? Wake up Kenyans...stop dreaming! Kenya is bigger than anyone of us.

 In my latest Raw notes; Eugene's dark secrets from the past plus Kumekucha investigates the Lilian Muli allegede scandal with shocking results. Get an INSTANT sneak preview of my red hot raw notes by sending an email now to; rawnotes4@listwire.com

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Will Tribal Numbers Move The ICC?

At least we know one thing for sure now. Contrary to what we were being told in the prayer rallies (cum presidential show of might campaigns) the ICC cases against William Ruto and Uhuru Kenyatta are a very very big deal.

We also know something else for sure now. As things stand, it will not be possible for Uhuru and Ruto to run in the next general elections. Why else would they want the ICC process to be halted until after the general elections?

The latest move by the powerful G7 (which has let the cat out of the bag and confirmed many things that we already knew) is to seek over a million signatures from the house of Mumbi and 3 million from the Kalenjin community petitioning the ICC to apply emergency brakes on court proceedings so that the sons of these two tribes can run for the presidency of the banana republic of Kenya.

But lets not get mixed up here (like they want us to be). Instead let’s identify the true source of all these "acrobatics." Team Uhuru? NOPE!!! Perhaps the Ruto camp? NO WAY!!

Actually it is all coming from the handlers of president Kibaki. And as I have been repeatedly saying here and in my popular raw notes, the president and his handlers will do everything in their power to scuttle the ICC process. And it is not because the president loves Uhuru and Ruto so much despite the fact that he was the one who walked into the maternity hospital where Mama Ngina birthed a son in 1963 and declared "Uhuru tosha kama jina" and that became the name of the youngster born with a silver spoon. 

Forget all that, it is an act of pure self preservation. If the cases against the Ocampo four do not go forward then it means that there is no chance of Mwai Kibaki being picked up after he leaves office to face the music (not Mungithi) at the Hague.

In fact our politics at the moment (and the violence in the country) are all being driven by one thing and one thing alone. Namely the ICC cases at the Hague against four Kenyans, with other suspects to be charged later.

I will end my post today by asking and answering two questions.

Questions:
1. Will the ICC be moved by the millions of signatures that will be collected?
2. Millions of signatures? Is the move to halt the ICC proceedings against the Ocampo 4 that popular amongst ordinary Kenyans?

Answers:
1. NO.
2. Actually a vast majority of Kenyans believe that Uhuru, Ruto and the other two are guilty as charged and would love for the trials to proceed ASAP. So where will the signatures come from then? Hehehehe, signatures are no problem, some smart computer whizz kids are going round selling data bases to political parties of names of Kenyans and their id cards complete with signatures. The very same lists on the very same flash disks will come in handy this time round. And so chances are very high indeed that Kumekuchas signature will be in the list petitioning for the cases to be postponed and so will be yours, upende usipende. This coupled with public signature sessions where you sign infront of the TV cameras and then collect a thousand bob off-camera on your way out will do the trick neatly.  Unajeza na waKenya!!!

Lords of Impunity, Return of the Royal Tribes

The adage the more things change the more they remain the same won't have been more apt in describing Kenya's political landscape. Well, the phoenix that is ETHNIC groupings is back in full swing with all their divisive and siege mentality to boot.

Gema did its a great job in the 1970/80s to own Kenyatta's presidency. They may have failed in blocking Moi from succeeding Jomo but the embers only hibernated. Now with the imminent retirement of Kibaki, they have smelt blood and the tribal drums are beating at the highest decibels.

Tribal apologists may deny it but Gema latest meeting as Limuru II has reawakened the dread and the vitriol that is proving to be even more vicious. Other hitherto tribals groupings were nothing but cultural organization. But not Gema whose succeeded in singular morphing itself into a quasi state power and economic hegemoth.

How one would wish that the rest is history. Not quite. The wheels have been re-invented and zooming at breakneck speed to secure Kibaki succession. The faint hearted may brand the naked truth as hate speech but will be disabuses of the absurdity when these evil machinations are proved right with time.

Moi's cheap and populists ideas too ban these tribal associations couldn't stand the test of time. It was an open secret his target was to ban Gema while later cobbling Kamatusa to advance the very evil he purported to fight.

We are back to square one. Kibaki learned his ropes during Kenyatta's tribal reign and matured during Moi's ERA. We can only sit back and watch his perfected script alloyed with wisdom spanning close to 50 years.

Last week it was Gema and today it is Kamatusa. The others will follow suit but only one retains its lethal potency to secure its interest at whatever cost. No prizes for guessing. We haven't seen anything yet. Welcome to BATTLE ROYALE 2012/3. NA BADO.

Monday, April 02, 2012

Kibaki Legacy: Manage ICC and Vibrant Gema

Desperate moments call for desperate actions. Those who have been fooled to think of President Kibaki as aloof better have their heads examined. Kibaki has taken his succession head on using Uhuru to manage in in light of ICC while strengthening the G7 political grouping.

Most readers of Kumekucha may have been fortunate enough to witness the sunset days of the late President Jomo Kenyatta. Well, worry no more folks for the script if being copy-pasted right before your eyes. Adjust your seat belts for the bumpy ride ahead.

Then the late(s) Njenga Karume and Kihika Kimani would whip tribal emotions to keep the presidency within the house. But now we have educated and religious zealots in Bishop Emerita Lawi Imathiu and Peter Njenga pounding the tribal drums and manufacturing communal enemies who are out to vanquish and dispossess Gema of their birthright.

Nostalgia galore and Kibaki cannot take chances gambling with his legacy. Make no mistake, Kenya is no Ivory Coast nor Senegal. And very soon the OATHING sessions will be with us once more.

Missionary zeal in the Kibaki Succession
The latest Cabinet reshuffle was a window dressing for the hard political ball ahead. Forget the sissy Moi handing in power in 2002. Uncle Dan was only returning the favour and giving back power to its rightful owners.

The heightened tribal heat boiling the Kibaki succession has just picked the embers from where it was left in the 1970s. We haven't seen anything yet. No prize is big enough as a collateral just ask the late John Michuki.

ICC has set the perfect scene for that final superlative act. No elections this year. Meanwhile plans go into high gear to scatter that imperialist institution hosted in the (Zero) Netherlands. Kenya is not Congo just like one nondescript Thomas Lubanga is no scion Jomo Junior. The gods of the mountains will never let Kibaki enjoy his retirement if he never did anything to save Uhuru's skin.

Granted most Kenyan tribes have their own cultural organizations. But Gema is not one of those cultural merry-go-rounds. It is all about POWER and supremacy, OWNING KENYA. The other tribes must duly acknowledge the fact and thank their stars for being hosted within Kenya's beautiful borders.

Forget the fact that the often repeated mantra that the grass root populace never benefits from the stranglehold by their elite. You only need to look and read from the EXPORTED VILLAGERS whose vitriol is even more acidic than the true village vagabond smoking some alien weed while incoherently mumbling some reggae song.

Cultural merry-go-rounds
The Hague Express may have bolted from the station, but Ocampo and his team will know that Kenya has its owners. The Limuru II conference did a brilliant job in intimidating the rest of Kenya. Following closely was the the reshuffle facade that eased the opinionated Mutula Kilonzo from stalling the counter Hague Express.

Add to that the potent message inherent in sending Kalonzo Musyoka to Sudan to deliver special message to fugitive Omar Al Bashir. It is the height of obtuse naivety to still entertain the thought that Kibaki is sleeping on the job. Not when Gema's heart and soul is at stake.

Damn the Cabinet with their December election date. Kibalki's acrobatic skit on the election date was no happenstance but an act of unrivalled political and tribal calculation. What is more, the most important dockets are in SAFE HANDS, MTA DO?