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Saturday, August 11, 2012

How To Attract A Man

Why does a woman need to attract a man? Why should Chris Kumekucha publish such nonsense on his serious blog?

Wake up and smell the coffee. Your parents lived in the sixties and seventies and swear to you that that it is the only way of life to aspire to. But the truth is that we are in the year 2012 where Facebook and technology rule and where women have a right to attract the right kind of men into their lives. Ignore these truths at your own peril because the reality is that OTC and the Kenya Bus Services no longer exist and neither is Daudi Kabaka the latest hit song in town. Wake up!!!

And you do not need to grudgingly read this article either… just get out of here and read something else if you do not believe that this is important.

Attracting guys starts with you understanding men a little better. Guys are creatures of instinct and some of those instincts are pretty primitive and basic. Understand them and take full advantage of them. A lion will see a juicy fat gazelle and will remember that they are hungry and that is food hurtling at high speed across the savannah grass and so they will act. A man is not very different because he is first and foremost a visual creature. If they like what they see they will act. The good news is that as a lady you can manipulate what they see.

Many ladies already know that if you do not have such a nice attractive face then the thing to do is to wear a tight micro mini so that the attention of the man will be on your nice thighs and by the time they get to your face it will not matter too much. If on the other hand you have Kirinyaga Martha-Karua legs and a model’s face then you need to carefully choose the right kind of trousers and then enhance your looks with the right make up that brings out your best facial features. There are plenty of great tips on the World Wide Web that will help you dress to advantage and manipulate the visual effect on a man to your great advantage.

The other thing you need to work on is your scent. Get a sensual scent that will drive him crazy and don’t make any excuses about it. I have sat on the same table at social gatherings with men who did not like what they saw but the minute the woman came closer all was forgotten and forgiven and they were suddenly extremely interested. I kid you not. And so it is worth the trouble testing various scents with your workmates and colleagues until you arrive on the one that will have him following you around like a dog on heat. Stick to that one and watch the effect.

The way to attract a man the first time you meet them is to talk very little. Let that aura of mystery about you and who you really are linger on in his mind. If you are rally excited about him control yourself. When it gets overwhelming excuse yourself and go to the ladies to cool off. You must look cool an unaffected at all times for the best effect.

But you are allowed to smile and laugh a lot. Indeed this is vital in attracting a man. Men hate the sulky brooding type who is much more likely to nag nag when they get to know them a little better. Actually nothing attracts a man more than a fun-loving woman full of laughter and knock-out smiles that make his poor knees feel like jelly.

Never give a man hints because he will never understand them in a thousand years. Especially if he is on that dreadful Tusker thing they call a drink. Show him red and he will immediately think of Arsenal Football Club and not the sensual meaning of the colour that you are trying to get across. Tell him you are feeling tired (hinting that you should get going) and he order some water for you t chase away the sleep. Men #!!@#!

Instead just tell him bluntly what you want. That will get a man really interested and taking action right away. I know a very badly mannered lady who happens to be my marketing advisor who has a habit of walking up to men and telling them the craziest sexiest things. Personally I find it offensive but the truth is that it ALWAYS works. ALWAYS!!

Dating Men over 40
 Experienced women will tell you that there are a lot of very attractive things about older men. They are much more caring and romantic and mostly possess the kind of skills we cannot discuss in too much detail in this family oriented respectable blog. Not to mention that they are usually much more financially stable something that a woman’s basic instincts responds to very swiftly.

But they are difficult to attract. They will mostly be very suspicious of strangers who show any interest in them and could easily mistake you for the wrong kind of lady.

This is why your approach will need to be through his mind. Older men really get turned on by intellectual women. And you do not need a doctorate to provoke the intellect in older men. Thanks to a Mr Google a little research on your web enabled phone in the toilet will impress the hell out of him when you get back and start to discuss his pet subject so knowledgeably. And you do not need to cram a lot of stuff into your tipsy mind because you can simply keep on asking intelligent questions. This will never fail to attract the attention of an older man and you will never again have a problem dating men over 40 when you have mastered this technique.


Anonymous said...

Kumekucha Chris Umezidi. What kind of post is this? Umemaliza topics zote?

Anonymous said...


I think I got a virus on my computer forwarding me somewhere else.

Is this really Kumekucha?

Anonymous said...

Why should a man over 40 be in the dating scenes? Any which female would want a pot-bellied burly greying-geezer who cannot raise to the ocassion?

Anonymous said...

Anon@5:04 PM

I have been with under 25s who have failed to rise to the occasion and I have also been with a man in his 50s who was rock solid from 6pm to 6am and beyond.

Age is but a number and it really depends every much on the individual. More so these days when people eat poison and junk food and expect all to be well. Not to mention the presence of vroom vroom Viagra.

To be totally honest I prefer older men who are more experienced and much more sensitive to the needs of a woman. Or maybe it is because I can’t stand that cocky arrogance I see in men my own age. Cocky arrogance na hawawezi kazi.

Anonymous said...

One thing I like about kumekucha, no chance of me ever falling asleep when I am here. Always interesting. Kudos Chris Kumekucha.

Anonymous said...

What blatant self promotion horny Chris. Can I guess that you are over 40 and looking for mtoto wa wenyewe to confuse?

Taabu said...


What do you have for/against Martha and dogs? Since when did pensioners re-invent themselves into tomboys?

And BTW were you a lady is your previous life? Just asking.

Anonymous said...

Was this site hacked or what??

Anonymous said...

Anon@11:42 PM

Kwani what of yours have the bullocks gored in the past?

Mmmmmm! Ati hawawezi kazi siku hizi? Are you referring to the intact marathoners and sprinters, or the ones who have been denied their right to mature into adulthood sportsmen in order to help keep the seasonal audiences happy?

Excuse me for asking what became of the decorated sprinters and marathoners who are known to be a little bit cocky but less arrogant yet very considerate whenever they are asked or requested to race at sunrise, noontide, and sunset?

Talking about the desirable Ionians, Saptans, Sardians, Athenians and Eretrians (Greeks and not the ones from Asmara) marathoners, who are known to be well seasoned in the art of sustaining any type of cultivated race as well as staying the course for the maximum benefit and abundant entertainment (pleasure) in their facs-to-face encounters with certain favoured members of the audiences at Marathon?

Anyway, thanks for being honest but let's not forget the reality about some older men of a certain age-bracket who are always penalized very so often for having missed landing a step on the downbeat during the Indalamu, what was formerly known as kula kwato moto ("in the heat of the moment") by many of our people and ancestors before the missionaries managed to eradict the ceremonial ritual during the early 1900s.

The song Indalamu was sang
Kula kwato? Moto! x 5
Inda? Lamu! x 2
Kula kwato? Moto! x 5
, in order to whip the participants and audiences into ritual frenzy while celebrating the harvest regardless of whether it was plentful or not.

Anonymous said...

Just get out of here and read something else if you don't believe that this is important.

Chris of Kumekucha,

Yes there are some of us who still believe that the special breed of human hounds are not just visual creatures or creatures of visual habits, but they are also have a keen sense for sight (as mentioned), scent, sound and taste.

The human hounds will tolerate any lionesses within the vicinity of their marked territorial hunting domain while the hunt is on during the get-to-you/me season.

But once the novelity - endorphins - wares off, the only group of special lionesses that survives the hunt intact for over extended periods of time are the ones that qualify in the departments of sight, scent, sound and taste according to the hounds various requisites.

Sight: is a must, for lionesses are expected to look exquisite (not to be confused with the type of objectification that goes on in the hound kingdom), it goes with territory since time memorial.

Scent: good scent of a lioness is very magical in sustaining the endorphins within the attraction department, while the opposite acts as a instant repellant.

Sound: a gentle but firm voice of a lioness has been known to disarm and tame the best crested hounds and decorated peacocks for a lifetime.

Taste: lioness with an authentic taste plus a reasonable level of adventurousness make better companions or keepers of hounds, as long as there is no self-deception and pretentiousness that always tends to be showcased during the initial stages of the hunt.

Of course, the lionesses have their versions as well given the amount of reciprocity it takes to build and sustain a good and healthy relationship.

*Disclaimer: the wondering commentator is not an expert in the delicate subject at hand but has been sideline observer of the creatures of visual habits

Anonymous said...


Binti Rukiya Wa'Kenya called while you away and left a message saying that "tell Chris of Kumekucha that "I Got a Man" " [@Positive K.-1992], and she went to say that he is a tricenarian.

And she is not in need or in the market for another man, a quadragenarian, quinaquagenarian, or sexagenarian, because she is very much contented with way things are in her life and at home as it were.

According to her, dating aka hunting a quadragenarian or quinaquagenarian is the last thing on her mind right now.

And worse, let alone chasing after the flacid wallets of men who tend to first appear to be more financially stable, but whose only motive and immediate objective is to increase or diversify their fleeting mipago ya kando portofolios before they are inducted into the club of sexagenarian manhood.

She thanks you for the oocasional brotherly concerns in the form of wake-up-calls, but at the same time wants to remind you that, she, Binti Rukiya Wa'Kenya, has a tender tricenarian who is well veresed in all things pertaining to sharing the best ambrosia with her at all times.

And you are always welcomed to remind her of how lucky and blessed she is in this aday and age.

Anonymous said...

@Chris of Kumekucha,

Let some of the wise elders among the experienced women folks of Kenya, talking of women who have wisened over the decades, to simply explain to the younger generations of women why and how it is so easy to have a man, keep a man and live with a man happily ever after.

Simply put, men are creatures of habit and all they need in life until death subtracts from the face of the earth, are the following three very vital elements in their lives, that will keep any man - poor or rich - in a permanent state of joyful contenment as opposed to quiet desperation.

Or in a permanent domestic state of silent hopelessness according to some grip statics in domestic department around the world.

The three vital elements are:




No more, no less.

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