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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Why 2012 Will Continue To Be My AHA Year

Happy New Year Kumekuchans!!!

Most of us imagine that we are fairly intelligent and will never lose an opportunity to point out how “slow” others are in grasping stuff. But the truth is that we are all NOT very clever. The whole lot of us.

How do you for instance explain full grown men huddled in a small bar with no ventilation just to watch the images of 22 full grown men chasing around an inflated cow hide beamed onto a screen in the room from a very far away land? And then some of them have the audacity to go out and kill themselves just because some of the vicious leather-kicking-chaps did not hack the damn cow hide between two posts. Humans can't be that bright.

And I can give many, many more examples that prove that the human race is nothing short of idiots who think they are very clever.

But once in a while people do admit how dumb they have been and that is what I call the “aha” moment. When you see things so very clearly for the first time. For Isaac Newton an apple had to fall from a tree above and hit his soft mzungu head hard for him to “see” that there was something called gravity (why had nobody thought of that all those centuries?).

For yours truly it may have been a flying beer bottle colliding with my head on New Year’s Eve thrown with uncommon venom by a Kalonzo Musyoja die-hard supporter. This rabid tribalist-beer-bottle-thrower did not take kindly to my insightful observation that it was easier for my dead grandmother to be elected the fourth president of Kenya posthumously than it was for one Kalonzo Musyoka to win the presidency even after all his possible opponents were conveniently locked up at the Hague and the key thrown into that river I hear passes close to that famous city.

Anyway the details of that bottle collision with my head and the resultant injuries are nowhere near as important as what happened immediately after impact. I had one of those major “aha” moments where everything became so crystal clear to me. Especially the idiotic Kenyan politics I write about in this blog.

Kumekucha readers can expect to benefit tremendously from this great aha moment in the posts to follow and every single one you will read here in this very political year.

I take this opportunity to apologize to you all for all the dumb posts of the past. I promise to shape up in 2012.

Kindly share your “aha’ moments of 2011 in the comments section below even as you look forward to my upcoming aha posts of 2012 on Kenyan politics and politicians.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Of Re-branding and ‘Pigs in Lipstick’

Recent post by Chris: Kumekucha's warning to those seeking political office in 2012

Guest P
ost : By Michael Mwaura.

President Obama, revered here by some and disdainfully dismissed by others, had this to say about his Republican rival during his campaign for the presidency, “You know, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig”. This was in reference to the policies being offered by Senator McCain being similar to those of President Bush, thus implying that a vote for McCain was actually a perpetuation of the old regime.

The above quote aptly mirrors the goings on of our political parties here at home. Re-branding is the buzz word. Recently our Vice President changed the name of his political party to Wiper Democratic Movement from ODM-Kenya. Reason being, he did not want confusion at the ballot box with people intent on voting for him, voting for ODM instead. He changed his symbol from one and a half oranges to an umbrella. I think an appropriate symbol would have been an old rag or some baby wipes in keeping with his ‘Wiper’ name.

Next, the Finance minister proposed changing his party from KANU (Kenya African National Union) to KANU (Kenya Alliance National Union) How clever! I can clearly picture the everyday voter discerning the difference. Our good professor has also has been busy. He held a recruitment drive on a day after a major holiday. How well attended was this affair? We can only hazard a guess. A central theme runs through all these shenanigans being marketed as re-branding. They are still the same wolves whatever they decide to call themselves. And they want to be put in charge of the hen house called Kenya. I can positively predict that none of the chickens will make it to market.

What ails political parties?
-All are devoid of manifestos addressing the genuine concerns of the citizen. Most manifestos, if they have one, are drafted by lawyers. They are wordy yet say nothing.
-All political parties thrive on the whims of their founder. Remove the founder and that party is rudderless or dies immediately.
-All parties are detached from the grassroots. In the cases cited above, they all opened their secretariats in Lavington or thereabouts. How is the voter in the far flung areas of our country supposed to interact with their party? Well, an answer to that would be, “I will fly in on my chopper two months to election time and then its bye until the next election cycle”.
-All political parties treat campaigns as carnivals. Politicians doing road shows like aging rock stars, atop a truck, music blaring, looking pathetic trying to do the jig in vogue, dishing out blankets and cash. This does not add any value to their campaign nor does it help voters make informed decisions. This is but a tiny fraction of the ills that plague our political parties and our politics in general.

What way forward?
-We propose manifestos be prepared with the input of those they hope to represent. This can be done through informal polling using samples. The benefit of this is that we can hold politicians accountable when they take positions contrary to our wishes and demands.
-We propose political parties be structured like corporations. That way they are free of personal influences and can thrive and grow long after their founders have departed.
-We propose that political parties have a permanent presence at the grassroots. This will enable party members to interact frequently with their party and party officials can disseminate party policy more effectively.
-We propose a different method of campaigning. How about town hall style meetings? Potential candidates can make their pitch and voters can voice their opinions in a back and forth type of interaction. How about televised debates for presidential candidates like those held in North America? This would help voters differentiate the dunce from the well informed as regards their grasp of topics, ranging from the important such as the economy to the mundane such as how do we get our people to adopt a different staple food.

Lastly, and this may be contentious, I don’t think social media such as face book or twitter will any add any significant numbers to any candidates tally. I won’t defend this position, it just is so.

Comments are most heartily welcome. Please keep them civil and on course. I am sure African Teacher will not miss this opportunity to give us the unabridged version of the ‘The history of politics’.

What Chris Kumekucha is Reading:
Mwau wants to block Githongo Demos

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Kumekucha’s Warning To Those Seeking Political Office in 2012

In the next few months President Emilio Mwai Kibaki will leave office. The truth is that the Kibaki administration has done quite a few useful things when it comes to development and getting Kenya to the next level, but sadly all those achievements will be swallowed up by the numerous blunders and errors of judgment made by a man who was way too eager to lead the nation.
Please bare with me as I tell you a little story. Some years back I had the privilege of taking a brief spiritual course that involved Bible teachings on leadership, spirits, demons and the occult world. The instructor was a man who took every chance to comment on Kenyan politics and the major players involved in it. I took his comments very seriously because he had a track record of correctly predicting presidential results in Kenya for over 20 years including the dramatic 2002 elections that were unexpectedly peaceful and also surprisingly ushered in the opposition dethroning Kanu for the first time since independence. In 2002 he did not make his prediction at the last minute when it was so obvious Narc was going to win. He made it before the famous Kibaki/Wamalwa/Ngilu meetings to seek unity had even begun.

Anyway my point is that my instructor kept on emphasizing that people should always be very wary of those who are too eager to lead. Whether it was in the office or in national politics, the best leader was always the person reluctant to take up leadership because they were fully aware and almost frightened of the responsibilities involved.

I have proven that observation to be 1000 percent correct. In neighbouring Tanzania one Jakaya Mrisho Kikwete has always been very eager to be president and his ambition had to be cut short by none other than the founding father of that Nation Mwalimu Julius Nyerere who told CCM delegates in Dodoma that the man was not ready as he opted for a William Mkapa presidency instead. The Mkapa presidency is today viewed by the vast majority of Tanzanians as the golden years and this is just one of the reasons why Kikwete will go down in history as one of the most unpopular presidents in Tanzania as he has staggered down his presidential term with no clear priorities, agenda or workable plan to build on Mkapa achievements. His ame plane seems to have been simply “I will do better.” The poor man was way too eager to land in state house and was so sure that he could do an excellent job that he just stopped short of rubbishing his predecessor’s presidency. I am sure where he is now he has a lot more respect for President Mkapa and his presidency.

President Kibaki is no different. I have done countless posts here detailing how he arrogantly brushed off the Moi presidency assuring Kenyans that he could do a much better job. As you read this, if there was an election today pitting Kibaki against Moi, Moi would win by a landslide very close to 100 percent of the votes cast.

Beware of those who are way too eager to lead. Look for the reluctant humble candidate who respects and almost fears the grave responsibilities that leadership thrusts on anybody’s hands.

The worst mistake Kibaki ever made in his political career was in December 2007. Way back in 1969 Mwai Kibaki lost his Bahati parliamentary seat in Nairobi to a woman and just couldn’t take it and so he rigged himself back into parliament. That little story was forgotten and history would never have remembered it. Indeed Mwai Kibaki was a very respected politician in the run up to the 2007 general elections. So respected that nobody wanted to believe that he could rig an election. Not even when the writing was clearly on the wall in 2007 as he ignored the opposition and hand picked commissioners to ECK.

In retrospect history would have treated Mwai Kibaki as one of the great Kenyan presidents had he accepted the people’s verdict in 2007 and left office peacefully. For starters nobody would have died. And poor Raila Odinga would have taken the blame for a lot of the things that have happened over the last four years or so that are beyond anybody’s control, like the ugly world economic recession that persists and has brought much suffering to Kenyans. The Kibaki presidency of 2003-2007 would have really looked good. Now the member for Othaya not only has blood on his hands but also has a possible appointment at the courts in the Hague after he leaves office hanging over his head (and that is one of the reasons why he is always protecting a serial rapist and mass murderer called Al Bashir).

My message to all those seeking political office in 2012, including my dear younger brother who has always been way too eager to lead the family (although he is not the first born) and now wants to extend his “leadership qualities” to the electorate somewhere in Ukambani, is simple. Learn from Mwai Kibaki and let it go before it is too late. If you find that you are too eager to lead and are daydreaming about being called muheshimiwa or having a motorcade go with you everywhere you go… STOP. Take some aspirin and lie down and carefully think of the Kibaki and Kikwete presidency and hopefully the crazy urge will pass and you will be cured of this life-threatening condition.

Kivuitu blames Kibaki for 2007 Polls Chaos

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Fairytale Year and Kumekucha Awards for 2011

What a year it has been for our motherland and this blog. Well it has been an eventful six plus year since the site kicked off with the singular call to leave no subject as a taboo. Well, the jury may still be out there but when they dock the verdict will no doubt be resolute. Kumekucha blazed the trail and even though some of the founding bloggers have of late been inactive, the heat has never diminished.

Starting on a sad note the year 2011 saw more than 100 Kenyans perish in that infamous Sinai slums in Nairobi in September. Just before that we lost Nobel Laureate and environmentalist Wangari Maathai. The late Wangari was both history and determination embodied in one fabric. But that courage succumbed to the terror that is breast cancer just like it claimed renowned novelist Margaret Ogola during the same month. Speaking of death, the universal equalizer claimed world Olympics gold medalist Samuel Wanjiru in one of the most unpleasant of circumstances. And we capped the year with the ongoing war in Somali in pursuit of the militant Al Shabaab.

Back to Kumekucha, Kenya lost an inspiration behind the blog's name. The late Habel Kifoto gave and left us his voice as we soldier on in attempt to transform this beautiful land into a better future.

This political blog continues to breathe real fire just like when it was launched way back in 2005. We all owe it to Chris despite his occasional disappearing acts which hopefully will end soon. Give it to Chris, he never minds opening the raw nerves of Kenyans in exposing taboo subject that populate our personal and/or communal cupboards.

Next comes one Mwarang'ethe. Even just mentioning that name sends emotions flying here. His tenacity and fidelity to matters economy and history is legendary. And his detractors won't miss threaded quotes which he religiously weaves to support his takes. Mwarang'ethe's provocative posts and comments remains and exercise into mental enquiry that often stands hitherto held theories stand on their head. He may be no philosophy nor general but conviction is Mwarang'ethe's stock in trade. For his calibrated and certified PASSION he has earned his spot at the top of Kumekucha awards for the second year running.

Neither Chris nor Mwarang'ethe will ever escape with any trace of explicit post thanks to our one and only e-cop. A founding blogger, Luka will never tire reminding all and sundry of the basic tenets of decency. In his book, the numerous kids and nannies visiting this blog must never be abused in any by way of explicit adult language or photos. And he grabs the KK vigilante ward.

While Phil may have gone mute for the last several months, regulars like Philip won't let Mwarang'ethe have his day without challenges. You see Philip believes in what is achievable and the baby steps before that eventual leap into nirvana which earns him the KK feasible award. Meanwhile expect Phil to come back in style and in full political combat as 2012 takes political shape.

The blog would be incomplete without the numerous anonymouses who often come with loads of both tit bits and vitriol to spice it all up. Their custom makes the site a must-visit venue to anybody who wants to feel the pulse of Kenya from without. You cannot fail to read the exported village bias (with a touch of sophistication) from these faceless Diaspora (majority). The anonymouses constitute an important cog in the big wheel reconnecting readers here with home from without. Kudos to them all.

Having lived through the historic and botched 2007 elections, Kumekuchans can only expect more fireworks from within these e-pages. Brace yourselves folks as the sun sets on 2011 and we usher in election year 2012. The faint-hearted may not survive the chocking heat from the kitchen in the next 8-12 months. Fasten your (political) seat belts please.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Toxic Ethnic Subject Kenyans Won't Touch

Hassan Omar Hassan has touched a raw nerve with his claim that President Kibaki has ethnicized Kenya like never before with key appointments to Finance, Security, Energy and Transport dockets populated exclusively by his tribesmen. Not that what he said was new if anything the same material had gone viral in the cyber world many years before. But why all the fuss for this otherwise mundane claim from the former student leader?

Omar is no stranger to controversy as Moi University authorities would attest when he took them head on as a student leader and they ended up expelling him. True, the constitution does not discriminate against any tribe occupying any position. Also the President may have appointed these people because they are qualified. Omar has chosen to bell the cat by taking this emotive subject out of the web into the mainstream media and now many cannot stand the heat.

So is Omar just a roublerouser or simple standing facts on their feet? It may be either one or both or even neither of these two propositions depending on what language you dream in. But one thing is true, Kenyan kings hate to be reminded that they are nude. And in cue the tribal activists have found a handy (mis)use of Mzalendo Kibunja's commission by referring Omar to it as a perpetrator of hate speech.

Which leaves the question whether acknowledging and broadcasting a problem is a crime. We have seen many nominees of various commissions created in the new constitution not picked simply on the basis their ethnicity. The so-called face of Kenya is a gimmick pulled and played when convenient to mask the real tribal undertones.

If its is true all the above four ministries can have their boardroom meeting conducted in their mother tongue, which it is, are Kenyans like Omar right to bring the same for public notice and debate? Again the answer will mostly depend on your ethnic origins.

But one thing is clear about this toxic tribal debate. The hollipolloi fans it when they suffer most as their tribal lords ride on their back when caught with the principal intention of only serving their selfish interests. Moi did it and Kibaki has not made any pretense to change it but the ordinary Kalenjin and Kikuyu will militantly defend them to the hilt.

Well, two wrongs never made a right and the joke is squarely perched on the ordinary Kenyan who is used as a poodle to advance this poisonous state of affairs at our collective expense.

Omar Hassan's brave exposition is just the tip of the iceberg and as 2012 polls draw near the heat is destined to intensify only in one direction, up. How many can stand the temperatures in the kitchen? Brace yourself, tic toc.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Corruption: Now MPs Invent a Measure of Passion

So what is the standard unit of measuring passion? If only being voluble PLO-style is symptomatic of superlative passion then corruption would have been eradicated even before he assumed office. But alas, there is more to passion than just mere words and good (albeit empty) intent.

Just when you thought our MPs have had their full they have now invented a measure of passion as a yardstick to fight corruption. Seeing them falling over themselves and waxing patriotic in demanding the very virtue they lack in plenty is a sight to behold.

Trust the smart Alec's to always clothe their sectarian interests in very glossy garbs. In demanding that Ceaser's wife be beyond reproach, the new proposed anti corruption chief has been hit with allegations of impropriety while at KRA. If proven true, the KES 2.4b that he never collected as tax from Kingsway Motors (read Kamlesh Pattni) will come to haunt him big time.

And if you thought the bull fighter is alone in demanding transparency, lady MPs are seeing the whole charade as a scheme against women given that two of the three nominees are their ilk. We haven't heard the last of these lot yet.

As we near 2012, political battles will take all forms and shapes. No effort will be spared even if it means exporting out village politics to the global arena just like the Kenyan Diaspora discovered this week the hard way in the US with regards to ICC and Ocampo.

Back to the anti corruption saga in parliament. It is all heat with no intention of generating any trace of light. The whole thing is flawed all the way from top to bottom. Otherwise how else do you explain the fact that the new constitutional offices are all being filled using every criterion except merit.

Well, the engine is revving and we are just glancing the steep slope to 2012. Brace yourself ladies and gentlemen.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Bashir: Kenya Unwittingly Spoiling for Costly War

By KK Blogger

At the risk of being painted an apologist to murderers and genociduers, I beg to ask some fundamental questions with regards to the present political and diplomatic heat threatening to consume Kenya-Sudan relations. Excuse my belting out a confession as if I were a faithful adherent of Sunday observance, namely, for this I believe;

First international justice should not be limited to selective current and former presidents, but all presidents and prime ministers who have committed, sponsored, supported, abetted, and engaged in crimes against humanity, and are known to have been signatories to crimes against humanity in their own countries and abrioad.

Again excuse my belated Sunday evening service that's panctuated with dry prologues, monoloques and epilogues asking;

What Are The "Hidden Variables" of Kenya Trying To Arrest The Sitting President of Sudan?

As well as highlighting the ICC's tenacious designs of wanting to prosecute the powerful King of the lost Kingdoms of Nubia. There have always been real dissatisfactions with the kind of interpretation of all things to do with the current lopsided ICC's prosecutorial justifications with regard to the pressing issue of crimes against humanity and war crimes.

So, the real question is why al Bashir and not George Bush or Putin?

Or even the leaders of Bahrain, Colombia, Syria, Yemen, Zimbabwe, DRC, Uganda, et al, and former presidents like Daniel arap Moi?

Why not? Crimes against humanity are still crimes against humanity regardless of who committed them, where they were committed, and when they were committed.

It's not an issue of cowardice or our favourite theater of the absurd, that of engaging in false brado when we are faced with to critical issues, such as whether to try and pick fights with people like al Bashir and so forth.

As meantioned earlier on, al Bashir, the sitting President of the Republic of Sudan is not our problem, he has never been and never will unless we try to start barking at his shadow with the encouragement of certain European and North American entities.

All that's been started from the get go is a cautionary wake up to those concerned and especially the so called very ambitious high court judge who is still dreaming of landing a job at the ICC.

Kenya has two options, one is to let the ICC deal with al Bashir, in the same way it's going to deal with the leaders of the PEV in due time, all things considered.

The other deadly option, would be to mess with al Bashir and his supporters, the people of Sudan, at Kenya's own peril.

Case in point, protracted instability along the north-eastern corridors of the Kenya's porous borders.

al Bashir is who he is, we known what he has done in South Sudan and continues to do in Western Sudan, unfortunately al Bashir is not our pilipili as far Kenya's internal security is concerned.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Bashir's Ransom Wins, Court's Warrant Rubbished

Update: Now that Fatou Bensouda of Gambia is destined to succeed the voluble Louis Moreno-Ocampo, Kenya has been left with her face plastered with eggs after the 'brotherly' support of Tanzania's CJ Mohamed Chande Othman flopped. The shuttle diplomacy can only save Bashir and no more (read Ocampo6).

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High court Judge's decision to issue a warrant of arrest to Sudan's sitting President Omar Al-Bashir is the ultimate test on judicial independence from executive meddling. The Government never saw it coming or if they did they must have dismissed it with a wave of the hand confident in the old ways of doing things. No wonder they wasted no time to trivialize the not only as insensitive but irresponsible and unpatriotic too.

With predictable impunity and bravado, Foreign Affairs Minister Moses Wetangula, a lawyer himself, has indicated Bashir is headed to our shores courtesy of Kenya Government's invitation. Hiding under so-called IGAD head of states meeting will not fool anybody from the masked brinkmanship. In plain language the executive is reminding the courts who is the boss, period.

Where others see judicial activism, Wetanguala reads destructive insensitivity to national and regional matters of peace. Omar Bashir wouldn't have been happier holding the whole region at ransom with regards to peace in Southern Sudan. And he has neighbouring allies who are more than ready to irk ICC for obvious reasons.

The script is so predictable seeing foreign hands lurking in every shadow. While Bashir sponsored the Janjaweed to butcher (ethnic/black) Africans, our ears will be assaulted with drums of war castigating the West for imperialism. In the process the butcher of Khartoum will have his bloody hands cleansed with sectarian and racial detergent in the name of IGAD and/or AU.

By inviting Bashir to Kenya again the Government is rubbing salt to the wound it inflected on our national body in August 2010 during the new constitution's promulgation. If we ever thought that act of obtuse impunity was unfortunate and regrettable, well the Government is reminding all and sundry KENYA IKO NA WENYEWE.
You see with no spine to remind Sudan that the ruling was an act from our independent courts, Wetangula is circumventing the core issue to serve political expediency by throwing the balderdash that expulsion of ambassadors is a normal thing.

Poor Prof Githu Muigai must be precariously dangling between the rock and the dark blue sea. Like Wentangula he knows the LAW is LAW but again he knows which side of his bread is buttered and by whom. Damned if he acts professionally and damned if he does an Amos Wako.