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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Mwau Supporters Flood Kumekucha With Angry Emails

Quite a number of people have been sending me angry emails over the last few days about how inaccurate my information on Harun Mwau and William Kabogo is. One nice lady even supported Mwau’s ridiculous theory about the Americans wanting to finish the innocent Kilome legislator and wondered why I “trust the Americans so much.”

I have answered most of these emails politely but deep inside me I have felt very offended that people would want to insult my intelligence even if they think it is limited. Where do these people think I came from? Do they think I fell from the sky and landed in Kenya one day and promptly started publishing articles about drug kingpins by cutting and pasting information from some newspaper? Do they honestly believe that the story about Obama and the Americans wanting to finish Mwau can really, really be taken seriously outside the Mathari mental hospital in Nairobi? I know that the feared Tana River crocodiles of Kenya can swallow just about anything but it is like these people are expecting it to swallow a Mugumo tree that has not even been uprooted if they think we can buy their cock and bull story.

There was a time not too long ago when I was running for dear life. And one of the serious enemies I had made were some individuals in the local drug business (apart from the main threat who was a fellow involved in extra-judicial killings now facing Ocampo at the Hague). At the time nobody had ever dared name the said drug lords before. I was the first and I paid for it (if you have never been on the run for your life you will not have an inkling of what I am talking about when I say I paid dearly). And during that time I was informed about several other people running for dear life courtesy of Harun Mwau. But that is a post for another day.

As you read this Mr Mwau is just about finished. The Americans have convinced the world beyond any reasonable doubts that the evidence they have on the Kilome legislator (and others) is rock solid. This has come at a time when the police have recommended that Mwau’s bodyguards be charged with giving false information to the police. Some Kenyans feel that the bodyguards should be interrogated to ascertain where they got their instructions from (to try and fool the police). Local sleuths have evidence to prove that the bullets were not fired where the bodyguards say they were (simply because they were no spent cartridges on the scene, stupid) and the police are also convinced that the bullet holes on the car are consistent with a situation where they were fired when the car was stationary and not when it was moving as the body guards told the police.

So now the big question is what was the motive of the stage managed shooting?

It was to prove that indeed Obama had sent some people to kill Mwau (I am laughing even as I type this) and that his life was indeed in great danger. The idea was to draw sympathy from the public so that Kenyans find it easier to believe that the legislator is innocent and just being targeted for reasons unknown. I guess this is the kind of scheme that would have worked like a charm in 1960 and the kind that somebody dreams up in this day and age when they have been overtaken by the times. You and I know that when the Americans want to execute somebody (every government has to protect it’s interests) they will tend do it in a very clinical fashion and they will certainly not send some gunmen who can’t shoot straight to Garden square restaurant to lazily have a few beers before shooting aimlessly at the speeding car of Mwau after the target has been dropped off and then probably go back inside Garden Square to finish their beers and discuss the failed assassination. Come on!!! Even an amateur assassin straight out of primary school in Kenya just learning his trade would never be so hilariously incompetent.

DPP Keraiko Tobiko has the very first test before him. Kenyans are watching him very closely. Will he decide to prosecute? And if he does who will he prosecute? The bodyguards only? Or will the case seek to find out where these hirelings got their orders from?

But what has really hit Harun Mwau hard and below the belt is the fact that he can no longer do business with the United States or for that matter anybody in the United States. But what’s more is that his colossal assets in that country have been frozen.

In his heart Mwau must be seething with rage at the hypocrisy of the Americans having done so many key errands for Uncle Sam in the region over the years (mainly deals that had to do with gun running). The reality is that this is the nature of business and politics the world over. It is not personal it is pure business and very normal for what a friend calls the toilet paper syndrome to kick in. That is somebody whom you were a valuable business partner just the other day dumps you after he is done with you. That’s reality, that’s how the real world works.

But for many Kenyans celebrations will be in order over Mwau’s predicament and for many it is for very personal reasons. All those young Kenyans who have irreversibly been destroyed by hard drugs were somebody’s son and somebody’s dear brother or sister. Kenyans will also be celebrating the terrible wounding of impunity. Personally I am not popping any Champaign just yet. Mainly because I know for a fact that a hungry lion is much easier to deal with than a wounded one. The latter is terribly dangerous.

P.S. The reason why Tobiko will not touch the person who gave Mwau’s bodyguards orders to stage manage a shooting is because the legislator has serious connections across the political landscape. He was one of the major financiers of ODM and Raila Odinga’s bid for the presidency. Indeed he was offered a full cabinet post by PM (but declined) even when he and everybody else in the political class knew exactly how Mwau makes his money. So the poor bodyguards may just take the rap for somebody’s bad ideas. That’s Kenya for you.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Hidden Profits: How to squeeze more profits from your business Part 2

By Jeff Kumekucha
I have received a lot of positive feedback from the first part of this article. It seems that I touched a raw nerve and many entrepreneurs at this moment are facing the problem of shrinking profits.

Today I conclude my article.

Actually it is easier to squeeze out more profits from a business than most people think. To illustrate this let us take a closer look at a typical restaurant business (a great favourite for many Kenyans).

The typical experience is that this waiter comes up to you and takes your order in a hurry. They are usually harassed and want to move on to the next client. From the moment they stand in front of you, you feel under preassure to give your order as quickly as possible so that you can release them to rush off to the next customer. It is like they are doing you a favour serving you. I know many restaurants that do this and still seem to be doing well. I can see the thinking behind hiring the minimum number of waiters. It is to cut down on costs.

Now come with me for a minute and let’s take a completely different path. The waiter approaches you with a smile as you peruse the menu and greets you warmly.

II have never seen you here before. Is this your first time to honour us with your visit?” he asks.

And then he goes on to suggest that you have a drink as you decide on what you are going to eat. You agree. When he gets back he offers his help by asking you a few questions like how hungry you are (so that he knows what portions to give). Are you on a diet? (so that he can recommend dishes more knowledgeably).

After you finish every course he suggests something else. Even after you have finished your meal and want to leave. The weather is extremely hot outside and you have had some chicken curry or something. The waiter intelligently suggests that you try their special ice-cream to cool off and make the hot weather more bearable before you leave.

This attention to detail and friendly talk is NOT wasting time. The end result is that each customer served ends up spending more than they had planned. Admittedly not every customer will take the recommendations given but say out of every 50 customers served in a day by a single waiter, at least 25 will end up spending 50% more than they had planned and maybe 5% will spend three times what they had originally intended to spend. Done properly you will find that hiring more well trained waiters will not only increase your costs but will increase profits many times over.

Translate the example I have just given into figures and you will begin to see that too many restaurants in this country never reach anywhere near their full potential for earnings.

Now the example I have given in a restaurant can be applied to any business. The person taking the order just needs to prepare themselves and think on their feet. For instance a customer at a stationary shop who buys a ream of photocopying paper may also be interested in toners for their laser printer or photocopier. Especially if you can offer it at a discount.

If you are selling something that people need to replace periodically you can estimate how long it takes them before they require new supplies. You can even ask them directly. By simply contacting them at the right time and making useful suggestions, you can win a lot of business that would have otherwise gone to your competitors.

Much more profits can be squeezed out of any business while giving your customers better service. And you do not have to raise prices which is what everybody rushes to do first.

Read about many more specific examples from the Kenyan market and beyond that will help you find hidden profits in your business that you never thought existed. It does not matter what kind of business you are in, whether it is a website or small stall in the market or a high tech computer company, these ideas will impact on your profits and bottom line. Get my regular Free Hidden Profits report NOW

Read Part 1 of this article

What Kenyans are saying: About our politicians

Politicians are directly propotinal 2 evil/demons.... Nah tax payin,increasing ua salary the way u want and now a 'raw murder' of a potential future Kenyan leader! Huh,i hate u wit a passion!

P.W.

Winnie Kaburia Hahahahahahahahaha it seems ur 2 mad with the politician dea.

Peter Waithaka Yes baby,i am! To b a politician is the last option i can dare be. Dnt tel me u lv dem wini. Huh!

Winnie Kaburia Yakk! They r the worste pple 2 av around.

Suez Kuchez Peter,Now, u can be one bt change ua wy of doin thngs- follw Justice! If we al sed dat, who wll brng change n clean up da mess already caused? Pour soul who got invlvd! Ma condolences 2th famly. This is too much now!!

Peter Waithaka ‎@winni-am thnkin of dat @EVE am tryna dia bt its tormenting me vibaya!!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Hidden Profits: How to squeeze more profits from your business

By Jeff Kumekucha

Times are pretty hard for entrepreneurs in the country and getting harder. With the drastic weakening of the Kenya shilling many have found that suddenly their profit margin has been eroded. But they can’t dare just increase prices because doing so will chase away your customers.

And yet if they do nothing they will end up making losses, in some cases huge losses.

So what to do?

The most viable option for you is to squeeze out more profits from your existing customers or from your existing business without increasing prices.

How do you do this exactly?

Let us deal with a specific example here so that the lesson sinks in deep.

A few years back Nation newspapers were faced with the same problem. Prices of fuel to transport their newspapers had risen dramatically at a time when the price of their imported newsprint had shot up because of the weakening of the Kenya shilling. A less creative business would have simply raised the prices of their newspapers and lost hoardes of customers in the process putting the business in a worse situation.

Instead what the company did was to find a very creative way to squeeze out more profits from their business. Now you need to understand that the Nation newspaper is the top seller in East and Cantral Africa because of their distribution system which takes the newspaper to every corner of the country and beyond. The big problem is that when the van that delivers newspapers to a certain place comes back, it returns empty and yet still costs the same it cost on the first trip. Now if only they could figure out a way to make the return trip profitable.

Nation courier services was created. The same can carrying the newspapers would now carry packages and letters and deliver them on the newspaper route. On the way back the same van would carry more packages and letters coming from the newspaper route and destined for the capital city where the newspapers head office is. Pure genius and it worked like magic.

Actually what happened in this case is that the company started a subsidiary business with zero capital. They simply used their existing infrastructure and vehicles for delivering newspapers daily to start a brand new business.

Can you apply the same trick to your business to squeeze out more profits from your existing infrastructure?

Here are a few examples to help you come up with that magical idea that will lift your business to the next level.

Read part 2 of this article.

Even before you read Part 2 you can read about many more specific examples from the Kenyan market and beyond that will help you find hidden profits in your business that you never thought existed. It does not matter what kind of business you are in, whether it is a website or small stall in the market or a high tech computer company, these ideas will impact on your profits and bottom line. Get my regular Free Hidden Profits report NOW.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Mwau’s Car Fired At… From Inside The Car Under Attack

There is such a thing as being overtaken by the times.

I saw this with my late dad towards the end of his well lived tenure on this earth. He was ordinarily a very intelligent man but at one point in his life time literally zoomed past him. The man who at one time was able to import the very latest Toyota Corolla way back in 1966 never managed to use an ATM. Neither could he send a short text message from a cell phone. You could never convince him that these days one can get a decent hotel without cockroaches and dirt on River Road (Kipepeo is a very popular clean magnificent budget hotel for tourists, bang in the middle of River Road) and indeed he would never dream of buying anything downtown beyond Moi Avenue. Interesting because in his early days in Nairobi (in the late 50s) Africans were not allowed beyond River Road and to the better part of town without a special pass. And so he first familiarized himself with the city starting from that dingy part of town.
Indeed this thing of being overtaken by the times started affecting his judgement in other more critical areas of his life. And worst of all we even stopped agreeing on many basic political issues. He loved Mwai Kibaki and in many ways helped me to understand the thinking of this man who more than any other president of the republic has brought the country to the brink of shutting down. My dad helped me see that Kibaki too is a man who has been overtaken by the times in many ways.

The really sad thing is when a person has been overtaken by the times and tries to do something that worked in the 70s but fails and is absolutely puzzled as to why the “clever” thing they have done has failed to work.

We saw retired President Moi in that position during the referendum campaign which ended up in silly decisions that led to the death of innocent Kenyans after an explosion went off at Uhuru park.

And we are seeing it now with John Harun Mwau.

Incidentally the man is about the same age as my dad (difference of about 6 years). Indeed my dad knew him well and warned me years ago (before I became a journalist) about the man’s corrupt ways and dirty deals.

It is now clear that here is a man who has been overtaken by the times. In his days in the police, the police force was very different and very easy to fool. Naturally because they did not have to deal with the kind of crimes they deal with today. And that is why they were able to see right through the stage managed shooting of his car. In fact the police have been bold enough to say that some of the gun shots seemed to have been fired from inside the car that was supossed to be under attack.

But even before the police gave the public information that hardly surprises most Kenyans people already knew that Mwau’s car actually being fired on by real thugs was as likely as Kenyans abandoning the staple dish of Ugali forever. It just can’t happen.

Of course these kinds of stage-managed games used to work very well in the 60s and 70s when Kenyans were generally not that clever and could swallow anything hook line and kitu kidogo. Not any more.

And that is why keen observers are quickly realizing that Mr Mwau is in very serious trouble. To cut a long story short, he has some problems which he needs to solve by convincing the public that his life is in danger from people who want his vast wealth.

Top on that list (according to Mwau) is President Obama of the United States. Which means that his list of suspects who were behind the “attempt on his life” must include President Obama. HILARIOUS, especially when you consider the fact that the so-called killers were so sloppy as to fire most of the bullets through the driver’s door when it is obvious that Mwau sits on the back left of his cars. But admittedly they are probably so advanced that they were able to fire some of the shots from inside the car. This is great stuff for the well-loved comedian Mr Bean is it not?

So who would want to kill Mwau? Seriously...

The movie you must absolutely watch before you die

BREAKING NEWS: Policeman investigation Mwau shooting suddenly dies

Corporal Gerald Waskie who was a detective investigating the gun attack on Kilome MP Harun Mwau’s shot-at-vehicle collapsed and died a few hours ago.

Wasike was attached to the Scenes of Crime department at the Criminal Investigations Department (CID).

Even more puzzling was the way he died. His colleagues say that he just suddenly started bleeding from the nose and mouth before collapsing. He was rushed to the Nairobi Outpatient Clinic but was pronounced dead on arrival. It has been established that the officer was examining Mr Mwau’s Range Rover at the time of the mysterious incident at the Central Police Station in Nairobi.

He was together with his two colleagues and had been assigned the duty of carrying out further and more detailed examination on Mr Mwau’s bullet-ridden Range Rover car.

Kumekucha Movie Review (classics): Forrest Gump

In this life sincerity is much more important than intelligence. That is one of the main messages that this Kumekucha blog has been at pains to deliver since that fateful day in May 2005 when I wrote that first post. This movie has to be one of the things that has made me such a greater believer of this truism about life.

And that is why if you still do not quite agree, this movie may just help change your mind.

People watch movies for different reasons. I watch movies to be entertained but I also do it to learn about life as much as possible.
Forrest Gump is an unforgettable movie that teaches about success in life. Every time I watch this movie I cry. Am not sure why… exactly. Maybe you can do me a favour and watch it and figure that out for me. But one thing I am not vague about here is the lesson which comes through vividly and poignantly in almost every scene of this beautifully made film.

Forrest Gump is a 1994 American comedy-drama film based on the 1986 novel of the same name by Winston Groom. The story portrays several decades in the life of Forrest Gump, an Alabama simpleton. This is confirmed at an early age by his school principal who determines young Forrest possesses an IQ of 75. One would think that this would virtually be a death sentence in the complex world we live in today that requires us to increasingly think on our feet. And so it is surprising how well Gump ends up doing in life. His endearing character and his devotion to his loved ones and duties brings him into many life-changing situations.

If you have not watched Forrest Gump, watch it before you die.


Performance at the box office:
Produced on a budget of $55 million, Forrest Gump earned $24,450,602 on it’s first weekend narrowly beating The Lion King which was on it’s fourth week of release. For the first ten weeks of its release, the film held the number one position at the box office and ended up running for 42 weeks earning $329.7 million in the United States and Canada. As of June 2011, the film is ranked as the 21st highest grossing US film and 45th worldwide.

An extensive soundtrack was featured in the film, and its commercial release made it one of the top selling albums of all time. It sold 4.42 million copies.

Read previous movie review: The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Kenya's most popular brand new dating site

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Will Maize Prices Come Crashing Down Like A Sack of Potatoes?

Kenyan potato farmers lose millions after bumper harvest prompts price crash. Will maize follow?

My late dad must be turning in his grave with delighted surprise at the heights the price of maize has climbed to and feeling more than a little sad that what he had predicted and waited for, for so many years finally came to pass barely months after his final exit from this world (or as a friend so eloquently likes putting it—just months after hard drive crashed beyond restoration).
Yep, my dad was a serious maize farmer in his twilight years and loved every minute of it. But for years he struggled with the problem of maize politics which hungrily swallowed up his huge capital investment in his shambas and prevented him from enjoying the rewards of a good profit that surely every farmer deserves. I mean farming is extremely hard, and potentially back-breaking work.

Over the years every time it looked like prices of maize were snaking upwards the government would import plenty of iot and the prices would durifully come tumbling down.

It is because I can identify with the farmer on this one that I get sick of reading regular reports in the media calling for the prices of this basic commodity to drop down “back to sane levels.” So if I may ask what are the sane levels? Levels at which a farmer can hardly recoup his investment from planting the crop? And as I am sure most of my readers do not know, maize is even harder work than most other crops because after you have harvested you still have to get the grain out of the cob and then dry and preserve.

Admittedly Kenyans consume too much maize for the crop not to be political. And that is why the government has always been very nervous whenever prices of this basic commodity have threatened to head north. And yet in the same breadth the GOK (Government of Kenya) still wants to praise the long suffering local farmer for their resilience. Now it seems that patience has run out in farmers and the result is that many have opted to plant other more profitable crops. This is part of the contributing factor to the rapid climb of maize prices in recent times.

But let us not dwell too much on the past because the main concern for most, even as I sense your alarm after reading my last paragraph, is what the future holds for maize prices.

Just a few hours ago one of my informants in Western Kenya informed me that there is currently plenty of maize in Busia and it is selling at the throw-away price of Kshs 3/- per single maize cob. Sadly logistics do not make it viable for that maize to come to the rescue of millers on the verge of closing shop due to lack of maize supplies in places like Eldoret. Or in Kisumu where a bag of dry maize is now approaching the Kshs 5,000 mark. Don’t even mention distant Nairobi where there is the highest consumption of this commodity and all it’s byproducts but which is way too far from Busia. Busia is on the border with neighbouring Uganda.

The truth is that there is really no good news for the consumer. All the good news is for the long suffering maize farmer. There are many clues to suggest that the price is not coming down any time soon. The crash that has been witnessed with potato prices will definitely not be replicated with maize. One of the clear signals that prices are not coming down any time soon is the fact that the maize being imported to alleviate the big shortage in the country is said to have a Mombasa landing price of about kshs 3,700 per 90 kg bag.

The next harvest is expected in August and so September will be the month to study prices carefully in order to establish what the future may hold.

And so I repeat my advice to all you dear readers out there to venture out of the concrete jungle that is Nairobi and go into farming rather than keep hoping that the prices of Unga (produced from maize) will drop soon. I don’t see it happening.

Top ten maize producers in the world in 2009

Country Production (tonnes)

United States 333,010,910
China 163,118,097
Brazil 51,232,447
Mexico 20,202,600
Indonesia 17,629,740
India 17,300,000
France 15,299,900
Argentina 13,121,380
South Africa 12,050,000
Ukraine 10,486,300

Safaricom’s hidden source of HUGE profits that business journalists missed

Kumekucha Movie Review

7 unexpected things that attract Kenyan men to their women

What is the secret that Moi can kill for?

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Kumekucha Movie Review: The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Do demons exist? Can they be cast out of a person? Your answers to those two questions will have an impact on what you will feel at the end of this movie because if you are not sure you are going to be pretty frightened and apprehensive and maybe you won’t sleep too well again. Especially when it strikes 3 am (it is believed that this is the hour of maximum demonic activity in the spiritual realm).
I have some pretty extensive experience in this area (that is a story for another day) and I can tell you without fear or shame that the answer to both questions is the affirmative. I need to add that the depiction I saw here is very convincing. To be totally honest I am yet to see something as convincing as this and believe me, I have watched many movies since my days as a movie critic in the local press.

This is a true story based on the extra-ordinary experiences of one Anneliese Michel, a religiously nurtured young girl whose life suddenly changes on a day in 1968 when she begins shaking and finds that she is unable to control her own body. A neurologist diagnoses her with "Grand Mal" epilepsy. But clearly this is not a medical problem because soon after the attacks begin, Anneliese starts seeing devilish grimaces during her daily praying.

The film is based on the story of Anneliese and follows a self-proclaimed agnostic defense lawyer representing a parish priest who is accused by the state of negligent homicide after he attempted an exorcism on Anneliese.

Sleek directing and compelling performances carry this movie very well and I will have no hesitation in recommending it.

However the problem I have is that it leaves one very important question unanswered. Demonic attack is never without reason and the first thing in any successful exorcism is finding the reason which will quickly lead you to the point of entry which needs to be sealed to avoid the subject sliding back. This is what seems to have never been resolved or even investigated in the real life story of Emily Rose.

Watch the trailer HERE

Box Office performance and other bits of info about the movie:

- Towards the end of 2008, The Exorcism of Emily Rose had grossed $140,238,064 worldwide.

- In 2006, the Chicago Film Critics Association listed the film in their Top 100 Scariest Films Ever Made at number 86.

- Lead actress Jennifer Carpenter, whose "demonic" bodily contortions were mostly achieved without the aid of visual effects, won "Best Frightened Performance" at the MTV Movie Awards in 2006.Safaricom’s hidden source of HUGE profits that business journalists missed

7 unexpected things that attract Kenyan men to their women

What is the secret that Moi can kill for?

Breaking News: Anticorruption activists kick out Prof. Ongeri and take over Minister's office for an overnight vigil till a new Minister is announced. If you can join them please make your way to Jogoo House 2nd floor room 204. Please take with you some bread and water.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Kilonzo: We will deal with Tobiko Soon

Justice Minister Mutula Kilonzo has cut out a niche for himself as one of the leading reformists in the country. For those who know the dark past of Mr Kilonzo that is quite something (more on his past later in this post).

And so true to recent form, Mutula revealed last night that he has a few legal ideas on how he is going to deal with the “Tobiko problem” created by parliament when they chose to disregard recommendations and approve Tobiko’s appointment without investigating the claims of corruption and unfitting conduct from his past made against him by the public.
Justice Minister Mutula "Reforms" Kilonzo: Promised to deal with Tobiko
Now that is one motion of intent which must be going down very well with a vast majority of Kenyans many of whom could not hide their displeasure when Tobiko was sworn in alongside the more popularly approved appointments of the chief justice and his deputy a few hours ago. One onlooker commented in the hearing of this blogger that if Tobiko was as upright as his defenders claimed he was, he would have refused to take up his appointment and steeped aside. “I am sure Willy Mutunga and Nancy Baraza would have done exactly that (i.e. step aside) were they in Tobiko’s shoes.”

I have been thinking hard about what that ordinary Kenyan said and the more I think about it the more sense what they said makes. Accepting to be sworn into office and smiling several times for the cameras (as if to mock those against his appointment) is the face of impunity itself and a clear indication of the kind of character we are dealing with here in our new DPP tupende tusipende.

In fact it is interesting how such a seemingly intelligent man cannot see the serious harm he is doing to himself by taking up office with such baggage hanging around his neck. How will he serve the very public that he seemed to be mocking at the swearing in ceremony?

Anyway back to our very reform-minded minister of Justice. Mutula made the revelations about his intentions towards Tobiko on national TV in the Julie Gichuru hosted Sunday live news on Citizen TV. However he quickly added that he will pursue his legal ideas at an unspecified future date because his immediate priority is to speed up the implementation of the new constitution. More music in the ears of ordinary long suffering Kenyans.

But Mutula Kilonzo has not always been at the fore-front of reforms. In an earlier life he was known as former President Daniel arap Moi’s lawyer and close confidant. The lawyer used this position to greatly enrich himself literally overnight.

Every story has two sides. This is Mutula Kilonzo’s version of his past life. But luckily you can also get the no holds barred investigated report that includes his dark secrets and especially what MPs were talking about when shouting down Mutula in parliament last week during the Tobiko debate.

The Mutula Kilonzo you don't know

Safaricom’s hidden source of HUGE profits that business journalists missed

Hidden Profits: Get Terrified By The Fear of Failure

Safaricom’s hidden source of HUGE profits that business journalists missed

By Special Kumekucha make money correspondent

Note from Kumekucha Chris: It gives me great pleasure to introduce this brand new weekly column by a man who makes a living helping businesses find hidden profits. ENJOY!!

As I write this (20th June 2011) all signs are that we are headed for a serious recession in these shores, indeed yours truly agrees with Kumekucha Chris that it is going to be so serious that it will easily be unprecedented in terms of its effects on the country called Kenya. This makes the following question rather appropriate just now.

What really makes the difference between a really profitable business and one that never comes anywhere near its’ full potential? I will give you a clue; it is something that both Kenya’s Safaricom and the internationally acclaimed Google have in common.

It is simply this; both these enterprises are not frightened of trying out new things all the time. In my time I have met many entrepreneurs who are terrified of risk—any risk. Admittedly if you are reckless enough to keep on trying new things on your already profitable business you are bound to fail many times and naturally this is very embarrassing. Indeed if you carefully examine both Safaricom and Google, you will discover that both businesses have had very spectacular failures in their continued “reckless” efforts to always try out new things.

Remember Safaricom’s Simu ya Jamii? This was the scheme where people were supposed to make money running telephone kiosks. Some remember this much more painfully than others in that they invested cash into it and lost it. Former Safaricom CEO Michael Joseph himself acknowledged in an interview with The Star that the scheme was one of the company’s biggest failures.

But out of 100 reckless failures comes one spectacular success that cancels the failures and gives you untold wealth and profits. Oh yes, it happens all the time.

I am sure you’ve heard of a company called Google haven’t you? Google is a $US100billion company that was started from nothing barely 11 years ago. Here is what the founders Sergey Brin (37) and Larry Page (38) had to say in September 2003 in a talk they gave to hundreds of Israeli students at a high school in Israel.

“Have a healthy disregard for the impossible… You should try to do things that most people would not.” –Larry Page.

“The only way you are going to have success is to have lots of failures first.”
-Sergey Brin

Google is not a $US 100 billion company for nothing and they have done a lot of interesting “reckless” things. But today I will focus closer to home and on Safaricom. Safaricom is a Kshs 200 billion company that is easily the most profitable enterprise in the history of East and Central Africa. The company also has some very humble beginnings.

Many of the reckless things the company has done (many others remain a secret) have failed but amongst the few reckless things that worked are the Mpesa money transfer service and the Okoa Jahazi scheme where subscribers can borrow airtime.

Think about it for a minute and be very honest. What would you have thought if somebody came up to you and suggested that you dish out cash loans to all and sundry. In fact small amounts of cash (Kshs 50/-) meaning that you have no way of recovering it incase they default. I mean I can always borrow airtime and then change my sim card and get a new line the next day. Of course the fact that they found a way to make it work is because somebody entertained the ridiculously reckless idea and gave it some deep thought. Get my drift?

The wild okoa jahazi idea has not only earned Safaricom billions in extra profits since it was launched in 2009 but it has also greatly shielded the company from fierce emerging competition and price wars that would easily have wiped out a “less reckless” company.

Let’s look at some numbers so that we put this Okoa Jahazi thing into proper perspective. We are told that the day the service was launched on 15th April 2009, it got 1.7 million users. Multiply that by Kshs 50 and you get Kshs 75 million. The 10% charged for the service gave the company Kshs 7.5 million on a single day. Hidden profits that came from nowhere. And remember that the company did not have to put any money down. It just offered its’ services on credit (and at that time the service only served online calls and did not work with calls outside the Safaricom network). Another blogger estimated at the time of launch that this service was going to give Safaricom a minimum of Kshs 1.83 billion a year. Some reckless profits from some recklessness don’t you think?

Interestingly nobody has analyzed the contribution Okoa jahazi made to Safaricom’s current profits? Our business journalists all missed it in their detailed analysis of the company’s profits.

Now that is what I call hidden profits.

This week’s lesson: The thing you should fear most is the fear of failure. You should be terrified of it. Absolutely terrified.

Get tips of how you can apply the contents of this post and other current business news to dig out hidden profits from your own business. Get my FREE special report How to find Hidden Profits in your enterprise.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

2011/12 Kenyan Budget: The Road Map to Neo Colonialism Feudalism/Serfdom/Debt Peonage

By Mwarang'ethe

T
here are two ways of conquering a nation. One by the sword. The other is by debt.
After some useless spectacle over the mode of presentation of the 2011/12 budget, Uhuru Kenyatta managed to deliver the same on 8th June, 2011. As expected, those who call themselves experts in taxation and economics gave their verdicts as they have done since 1963. By and large, according to these experts, Uhuru did a commendable job. For this communicated nonsense, see this: here and here and here. Please, note very carefully their emphasis on so called 2030 Vision.

However, with due respect, these so called experts are deceiving Kenyans because, they focus on the content, or, the data, but, ignore the context. In other words, just like the rest of Kenyans, they have totally missed the big picture. And, the big picture is this, the 2011/12 budget, is a road map to Neo Colonial Feudal Economic Order or Serfdom, or debt peonage. To appreciate the big picture, one must first understand the real objective of Vision 2030. On, March 21st, 2010, we summarised the mission of Vision 2030 in two lines as this: “Like Bastiat, we feel we have a moral duty to warn Kenyans of the greatest robbery which is a foot in the name of the so called Vision 2030.” We beseech thee to read the entire article before you proceed to read further. You will find that article here. The real title of that article should have been “2030 Vision Infrastructure and Great Robbery of Wanjiku.”

Hoping that, you have read the above piece, let us now hop to London to begin weaving the 21st Century feudal economy. On 7th February, 2011, the Guardian reported this: “To us, it's an obscure shift of tax law. To the City, it's the heist of the century.” Among other stuff, we are reading this:

At the moment tax law ensures that companies based here, with branches in other countries, don't get taxed twice on the same money. They have to pay only the difference between our rate and that of the other country. If, for example, Dirty Oil plc pays 10% corporation tax on its profits in Oblivia, then shifts the money over here, it should pay a further 18% in the UK, to match our rate of 28%. But under the new proposals, companies will pay nothing at all in this country on money made by their foreign branches. The exemption applies solely to "large and medium companies": it is not available for smaller firms. The government says it expects "large financial services companies to make the greatest use of the exemption regime". The main beneficiaries, in other words, will be the banks. But that's not the end of it. While big business will be exempt from tax on its foreign branch earnings, it will, amazingly, still be able to claim the expense of funding its foreign branches against tax it pays in the UK. No other country does this.

Please read the entire story here. If you have time, to read the primary source, see in particular, page 87 of the 100 pages document here. Let us now return to Kenya. So as to mesmerize Kenyans, Kenyatta allocated sh2.9 billion to modernize railway services in Nairobi and its environs. To ensure the plebs are informed of these wonderful developments, the DN told us that: “It’s full steam ahead for city commuter train” here. Among other stuff, we are told that, “Mr Kenyatta said it would cost Sh25 to travel from Embakasi to town and Sh35 from Ruiru to the city, down from Sh70 and Sh100, respectively, charged by PSVs.” It may be true that the fares may go down, but, we are not sure. However, even if fares will go down, will these savings translate into more money into the pockets of those who are funding the project? The answer is no. As soon as, or, even now that, this project has been announced, land rents in the affected areas will start to go higher. In others words, the few who own land will be the beneficiary of this project and not the masses who must fund it. The beauty is that, as we shall show later, these landlords are now corporate and income tax exempt.

However, there is something even more sinister for we are told that:

“A rail operator is expected to manage the proposed commuter service. Procurement of the operator is going on through an international tender advertised by the Kenya Railway Corporation and InfraCo Ltd (InfraCo Africa), a donor-funded privately managed infrastructure development company. The project will also involve the construction of about seven kilometres of a new track to Jomo Kenyatta International Airport’s Unit 3, and the rehabilitation or construction of stations and other facilities along the network. The multi-phased project, whose cost is estimated to hit Sh24 billion once completed, is expected to link the city centre with outlying areas like Thika, Limuru and Athi River/Lukenya. ... the project began in April 2009, when the corporation signed a joint development agreement with InfraCo. InfraCo shoulders much of the upfront costs and risks of early stage development, reducing the entry costs of private sector infrastructure developers.”
In other words, the so called donors have formed a company to invest in the Kenyan railway system. Three questions are in order. Firstly, since all the bankrupt “donors” have divested from their own railways, why the hell are they investing in third world railways? And, if natural monopolies can be privately managed, why then, did we sell out rightly monopolies like Safaricom and KPLC? And, what is this animal called Private Finance Initiative (PFI) under which the InfraCo. is being brought in? Well, in the UK, these PFI vehicles are being used to divert millions of pounds from the NHS into offshore tax havens. Please read this by the BBC: “Portsmouth hospital NHS cash 'destined for tax haven”. In simple words, it is a scam of a century.

Also, in the DN, in an article entitled: “Experts fault some tax proposals as vague and open to abuse,” we find the tax leader of Deloitte East Africa, a Mr Nikhil Hira telling us that:

“But the firm welcomed the introduction of the Real Estate Investments Trusts (Reits) to boost investments in the property market. Part of the proposals pegged on the Reits are that those registered with KRA will be exempt from corporate tax, as well as incomes earned by investors in this vehicle being exempt from tax.”
This, you can read here: What this means is that, real estate companies will now organise themselves as stock companies in the form of Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITS). So many things are now going to happen to mention them in a short article. Suffice to say that, we have created a perfect mechanism for real estate bubble, i.e. like that of Ireland, Latvia, Spain, UK and America, just to give a few examples. Yes, on the surface, we will appear to be doing well. However, when that bubble will burst, we will go the Latvian, Greek and Ireland way.
There are many issues we can raise about this vital question. However, for today, we wish to bring out two things. First, having exempted the land barons who are the richest men in Kenya from both corporate and income tax, we ask, who then, is going to pay the taxes for running the bloated bureaucracy we have created in the name of a new constitution? We answer that, CAPITAL and LABOUR.

In other words, should you as a capitalist wish to start a factory to create WEALTH, while creating the jobs we desperately need, you and the labor you employ will be highly taxed. When you combine high taxation and the increased land rent which will be occasioned by the land speculation, our production cost will soar. This will be the last nail on our beleaguered manufacturing sector about which we reading that, “Manufacturers map exit routes as Kenya attractiveness wanes.” This, you can read here. This is coming as the battery manufacturer Eveready East Africa is planning to close its factory in Nakuru, “because the cost of manufacturing in Kenya is high, driven by high labour and energy costs.” This you can read here. The question is, since our manufacturing base will be decimated by this policy, where shall you and your kids find work? Well, if your dream is to work in the so called Kazi Kwa Vijana projects, it is fine.

Now, the expectation of humanity was that, with industrial revolution, we should move to industrial wealth as opposed to landed wealth. However, with these policies, it is a signal that, the industrial dream and its promise is being buried. In other words, we are cycling backwards to feudal economic order. Do not worry; they have baptized this feudalism as the post industrial economy.

Now, we come to the second and most troubling issue. By real estate, we mean business entities like railways, roads, ports, and dams etc which dominate the Vision 2030. If you analyze Vision 2030, you now begin to see where the so called donor led infrastructure company fits in all this. If this is the case, does it follow that, someone in the UK, USA, Japan can now get let us say, £ 5 billion for free (0.5% interest rate in 2011), come to Kenya, buy almost all of our land, infrastructure, mineral wealth, and then, go back to London and smoke cigars as he waits for his corporate and income tax free income from the African slaves? We are saddened to say, yes, this is the future. If you want know the origins of these REITS, read the history of the first one, which was appropriately called, Foreign and Colonial Investment Trust, founded in 1868, here . If you recall the ongoing UK corporate tax reforms, the donor infrastructure company and the real estate investment trusts we are introducing, you can start to see the great game of re-introducing feudalism is afoot.

In other words, did we bitterly fight for our land, to have the same given back to the colonialists by the son of Jomo, son of Odinga and Kibaki and thereby, make us and our children the drawers of water and hewers of wood in perpetuity in our own land? If not so, how shall we recover these lands in the future? Shall we be recolonized through debt? Shall we be recolonized by our own ballot? You may be animated by the ongoing spectacle about the Chief Justice and such, but, we ask, will not it be the job of that Chief Justice to enforce these feudal laws? And, once you have taken the 2012 OPIUM, shall it not be the work of whoever you will elect to enforce these feudal laws which exempt the barons from taxation while grinding the poor?

It seems Kenyans have forgotten what Machiavelli taught us. He taught us that, a Prince conquering a republic has three options:

  1. Utterly destroy it. For such an example, see Iraq or the ancient Carthage.
  2. Conquer and live there. For that, recall colonialism.
  3. Set up a puppet government. See the new constitution. As they say, The King is Dead. Long Live the King.
Remember this, know the truth, and it shall set thee free. To the extent we are not free, then, we do not possess the truth. This being the case, then, it follows that, what they teach us is not the truth. They do not teach us the truth because, such truth would threaten those who wish to imprison us and keep us dominated. As such, the imperialists profit by the lies they tell us, the false perception and the false consciousness they creates in us.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Why Is Kenya So Suddenly Broke?

Economics is a terribly boring and yet it is terribly important.

Especially at a time like this in Kenya. For all intents and purposes this should be a pure economics post. But don’t worry I will not bore you today with macro-economic policy blah blah and stuff like that. Rather I will tell you some nice stories that will help you understand the mechanics of what is happening.
Why should you care about what is happening? Because whether you like it or not you are going to get hit in a very major way by what is unfolding currently. When the exchange rate to a dollar hits the three digit figure of Kshs 100 EVERYTING YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR will increase dramatically in price. Because EVEN if it is manufactured locally there is some imported content in it. Even agricultural produce is transported from the farm using petroleum products which are imported. Let us not even discuss oil prices in this post because if we do you will probably just lie down and wait to die quickly.

There was this man who had very high costs. He made them higher himself by taking a second wife. Each wife had children in school and so you can imagine what kind of costs we are talking about here. At first it was not a problem because he was dealing in drugs. But one terrible day the police moved in and shut down his cartel. He was lucky not to end up in prison. He had taken the right precautions and there was no evidence to link him to the vice. But he often wondered whether it may have been a better thing to end up in prison where he did not have to worry about how to put food on the table for his enormous family.

That man is Kenya with the big fat grand colallition government. It is now clear that drug money has been playing a much more major role in propping up the Kenyan economy than anybody will dare admit. Even the unprecedented political crisis of January 2008 did not put a dent on the shilling but the naming of drug king pins by President Obama has had a devastating effect on the Kenyan economy. Actually it has among other scary things put the Kenya shilling on a free fall where most analysts believe that we shall see a Kshs 100 US dollar by the end of this month or soon after.

What has happened at the treasury is that all of a sudden foreign currency has become very important and there are those analysts and experts who are suspecting that the government has accordingly changed it’s policy from that of keeping a strong shilling to one of attracting as much forex as possible at all costs. So in effect the government has decided not to fight the war they know they will lose anyway of trying to prop up the shilling. For those who have never understood; how is the shilling propped up? Imagine a situation where there is a scarcity of sukuma wiki (Kales) at the nearest fresh vegetable market to where you live. What will happen? Prices will shoot up dramatically. However they will come down very suddenly if a lorry or two suddenly arrives at the market loaded with sukuma wiki. Prices will fall like a stone back to normal or even below normal. That is exactly what the government does as part of it’s fiscal policy when forex gets scarce due to various factors, it brings “lorry loads of foreign exchange” to the marketplace which has the effect of keeping the shilling strong. Clearly the situation now is that somebody has realized that even if they bring 10 lorries of sukuma wiki to the market the prices will not go down because the demand for the vegetables from the hungry vilagers is much higher than 20 lorries. let alone 10 lorries. So in this case people will buy the lorry loads of sukuma wiki at high prices and some will not get any ad rpices will continue to climb. This is the situation the fiscal planners of Kenyan economy suddenly find themselves in.

In one sentence the word on the economics streets of Nairobi is that old man Kenya is completely flat broke and very desperate. What do you do when you are broke? You borrow. But what if you snubbed the people you usually borrow from over the last few years? Kibakinomics has involved snubbing old friends like Britain and United States for new kids on the bloc like Libya, China and the Arab world. Now Gadaffi of Libya is pretty much gone, the Arab world has their own very serious political problems just now mainly caused by Facebook that need plenty of cash to keep under control. China is busy and excited doing deals in the western world and has in recent times dramatically reduced engagement in Africa which is not a priority at the moment. Kenya’s old friends may be willing to help but they are waiting with their long list of demands before they can do anything. And besides Mwai Kibaki’s pride will not allow him to grovel at the feet of anybody and beg while asking to be forgiven for straying.

So where does that leave us?

You don’t want to know...

Because everything is pointing towards unprecedented economic crisis. A depression of the magnitude that has never before been witnessed in these shores. Prepare for scenes from the Great depression in America being played out on Nairobi streets. In the days of the great depression New York city was filled with very smartly dressed men in designer suits who were hungry because they suddenly couldn’t afford a meal. Many others (also in their smart suits) were jumping off high buildings to their death below. Our old friend Mwarangethe was right after all only that even he downplayed the catastrophe that is about to unfold.

What should you do?
Rush to your bank now and open a Euros or US dollar account and if you receive money from anywhere in the world in these currencies keep it there. Even if it means borrowing Kenya shillings to keep things going.

If you have never been interested in farming in your life you had better start getting very interested pronto. At least grow your own food if you feel that it is below you to grow and sell farm produce (a business that is guaranteed to be extremely profitable in the months to come).

But even if money is the least of your worries, don’t think this thLinking won’t touch you. Just think about it. All those guys who were relying on the drug trade to put food on the table, what will they do now? What about all those folks who are losing their good jobs everyday as the economic crunch continues to bite? Even if just 10% of them go into violent crime we all have too many reasons to be very very worried.

Will the last person leaving the crumbling house please remember to switch off the lights.


Moinomics, Biwottnomics and what Goldenberg really did to you explained in simple standard two English

Most recent post by Chris Kumekucha (a few hours ago).

Thursday, June 16, 2011

7 Unexpected Things That Attract Kenyan Men to a Woman

The problem with most people is that we tend to assume many things. For instance we assume that men get attracted to women by beauty and a great body. Even when we still go to weddings regularly where the bride has neither in abundance our mind is stuck like an old record on what we believe has always attracted Kenyan men to women. A little research by Kumekucha recently unearthed some interesting stuff that will shock most. Here are 7 unexpected things that attract Kenyan men to their ladies.

1. Your career

You may have the looks and a model's figure but if you are a mere clerk at some government office you may find that you stand no chance if the competition is a professional. One man I interviewed dates only lawyers. Granted they are in the legal profession themselves but there are numerous other examples we came across of Kenyan men falling head over heels with the career of the women in their lives. Indeed we are seeing a higher number of Kenyan couples where the woman earns three or four times what her husband earns. Or where a man who is not a professional gets drawn to a woman who is.
Although we still have many men who feel threatened and intimidated by career women the statistics on the ground indicate that this is changing very fast.

2. Swearing women
Most people believe that if you are loud and you swear frequently chances of attracting a serious guy are nil. Maybe that was true in the 1960s but certainly not today. Some men like women who stand out and the louder they are the more of a turn on they seem to be.

3. Women who love soccer

Most observant Kenyans must have guessed this one already. Amazingly it was just the other day when the ladies in the room would hurriedly head straight for the kitchen when the TV was switched to some big soccer game. Not any more. In fact one couple this blogger came across in the research for this article are in a situation where the man heads to the bedroom with his laptop and leaves his wife watching Arsenal (her favourite side) in action along with her teenage son. Some smart Kenyan ladies have read the signs of the times and quickly realized that the perfect place to meet the man of your dreams is at a bar watching the Premier League. Many Kenyan men are very attracted to chics who love soccer.


4. You'd better give it to me now!!

The message that clearly came through during this little research I did was that women who remain reserved and lady like will remain alone and ignored. Men believe that there are too many similar women trying to attract their attention and it seems that they are looking for something different. I have a close friend who has this girl friend who regularly demands for sex via sms. I have seen the sms messages and some of them are pretty explicit. But what’s most interesting is that my friend is clearly jazzed big time by this boldness.


5. Your ugly thighs

Beauty truly lies in the eyes of the beholder. While men have always been attracted by great legs and especially the thighs in a woman the assumption has always been that quality is important. Surprisingly this is NOT true. Virtually any legs that are exposed will pique the interest of most Kenyan men. So if you don’t have the looks nor a model’s legs don’t despair. All you need to do is have the guts to expose enough flesh. Walk around Nairobi streets and you will quickly realize that this point is very old news to many Nairobi ladies.

6. Politicians

Politics bores most women. But the truth is that women who are actively involved in politics attract men like a magnet. You don’t even need to be an MP. Just ask the increasingly large number of women activists we have in this country and they will tell you they have a big problem other sisters don’t have. Being bothered by men.


7. Smoking women
This one is a mystery. Although few people will take home a chimney of a fiancée the reality on the ground is that the aroma of cigarette smoke with all it’s cancer related perils is irresistible to most Kenyan men. Just walk into any popular entertainment spot and observe how popular the smokers are compared to the non-smokers
.

DISCLAIMER: Kumekucha is not advising well mannered Kenyan women to start adopting bad manners just to get hitched. This is simply a report on the reality on the ground. My advice is that it is best to be yourself, whatever the outcome whatever the consequences.

Latest Nigerian Con Trick: Baby Factory

What is the secret that Moi can kill for?

How to say "I love you" to a man and not cause him to bolt

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Because of the Evil Monster Called 2012…

...Prepare for Tobiko as DPP mupende musipende… Mutado?

...Prepare to exchange the US Dollar At Kshs 100


I know this girl who loves to watch horror movies. The more horrifying the better. Some of the stuff she watches is capable of giving me nightmares but to her it is all entertainment. Geez!! Fascinatingly the contradiction is that she cannot leave the room alone just to go to the next room.
Now there is a really terrifying monster emerging on the Kenyan political scene who is already causing nightmares and untold terror. The bad news is that the worst is yet to come. That monster is called 2012.

Horror scene number One…
Is set to unfold this afternoon in parliament when the august house will vote unanimously for one Keriako Tobiko to be the first DPP under the new constitution. A man who has a big huge question mark over his life starting with a land deal that has forgery and impunity written all over it. A man who has been instrumental in making Goldenberg and Anglo Leasing go away.

Yesterday I could not believe my ears and my eyes when one Charity Ngilu filled the TV screen to tell Kenyans that “the best choice” in the entire republic for this job was Tobiko. If it was possible to rewind TV news I know there are many many Kenyans who would have rewinded that particular clip to be sure of what they were hearing.

But then we have discussed this issue here in Kumekucha at length over the last few days. We know that ODM and one Raila Odinga need the Maasai and Samburu vote very badly as 2012 looms large in the background. Raila must be president come 2012 so who cares if Tobiko is corrupt? Who gives a sh** if the man’s middle name is “injustice and impunity”? Raila MUST BE PRESIDENT!!! Everything else comes second. Yep including the rights of downtrodden Kenyans who have lived under a justice system that has crashed them and their rights under it’s foot. A selective justice system that asks’ “who are you in society” before it can prosecute.

Watch this horror movie at a TV screen near you starting from around 2:30PM (Kenyan time) this afternoon.

Horror scene number two…Link
The 2012 elections will need unprecedented amounts of cash for those who own Kenya to push through their agenda. And yet it is becoming increasingly difficult to raise cash in the old days with a very hawk-eyed public. Make no mistake, stealing is still going on even as the small fish make appearances in court. The godfathers just pick new pawns and continue to steal. But I am talking about huge amounts of cash. The kind of money that turns the tide in an election.

Keep that thought at the back of your mind for a minute as we examine the strange behaviour of the Kenya shilling.

Experts know that the shilling has been faced with a much worse scenario than the current situation. Remember the January 2008 crisis and post election violence. That is precisely the time that we should have seen a free fall of the shilling. But strangely enough the local currency held strong amid the chaos. I mean those chaos were so serious that we were just days away from a complete shut down of the republic of Kenya.

Now a few traders prepare to import some maize and the shilling sinks to it’s lowest levels in history. A Kshs 90/- dollar is just round the corner and analysts are advising their clients to prepare for a Kshs 100/- dollar and the full consequences. I have talked to various respectable analysts and all them have rubbished the reasons we are seeing in the newspapers for this. They tell me that the government of Kenya seems to be secretly pursuing a policy of devaluation. But why? And this is the worst time to do this because of the untold suffering to ordinary Kenyans that is bound to result. The answer is simple. Some deals need to be made and some cash raised. Who gives a sh** about ordinary Kenyans? Of course it is important for the political class to make the right noises and talk about the suffering of ordinary Kenyans. But talk is pretty cheap. The priority now is that cash MUST be raised for 2012.

Watch this horror movie unfold in Kenya over the next few weeks and months. The woman called Kenya should just prepare to be raped by those who are supossed to protect her from the heinous assault... and I am NOT joking.

P.S. What will happen is that the shilling will be in a free fall until the 2012 deal is complete. Then it will quickly and mysteriously recover. Prepare for the comedy of errors soon after as experts will give us all kinds of explanations as to why the shilling recovered so suddenly and so quickly.

Update: Parliament predictably approved all 3 appointments amending the motion to bypass the recomendation by the parliamentary commitee to investigate further the issues raised against Keriako Tobiko. I agree with what a few members said on the floor to the effect that ignoring the recomendations to investigate Tobiko will not help him but rather bring him to office with a lot of buggage weighing him down. Time will tell.

What is Moi's most guarded secret?

Earlier articles on Tobiko
Storm gathering fast over Tobiko debate

The dirt on Tobiko and why parliament must reject his nomination

Latest Nigerian Con Trick: Baby Factory

Our Nigerian “Brodas” are world famous for their creativity but a scheme recently unearthed at the beginning of this month has left many Kenyans numb with shock.

Somebody set up a factory and kidnapped girls between the ages of 15 and 17 and then got them pregnant and kept them captive until they gave birth. They were then paid off 25,000 Naira Kshs (14411.90) for a baby girl and 30,000 Naira (Kshs 17294.28) for a boy and told to get lost. The babies were then sold to desperate childless couples and to cults for sacrificing at prices of up to US$ 6,400 (Kshs 569,600) per unit.

Just calculate the profits this sick business idea was generating.

And that’s not all, the owner of the “factory” was a medical doctor. The Abia State Police arrested the proprietor of the organization known as Cross Foundation, Dr Hycinth Orikara and rescued at least 32 young expectant teenagers.

I have no words.

But on a funnier note the Standard newspaper’s Crazy Monday edition recently carried the following true story. I have not stopped laughing for the last 8 hours or so….

Man fakes suicide to woo back girlfriend

A man recently shocked his age mates in Tetu, Nyeri County, when he 'took poison' after his fiancée abandoned him in a matatu terminus.

The man had traveled with the woman from Nairobi to introduce her to his parents in Njoguini village.

But when the couple arrived in Nyeri town, the woman disappeared and could not be traced until the following day when she called to say she had decided to return to Nairobi.

The two met about six months ago during a family gathering at Nyahururu, where he was employed as a shamba boy. They had been communicating over mobile phone .

They then decided to visit the man’s family and declare their intension to marry. The man travelled to Nairobi to pick the woman. They shopped for items in Nyeri before boarding a matatu.

As the vehicle waited for more passengers, he excused himself to buy some items he had forgotten. When he went back, the girl was missing.

"He was assisted by matatu operators to search for her in vain," said a source.
The woman’s mobile phone was switched off.

He travelled to his rural home alone and informed his parents about the mysterious disappearance. At noon the following day, he received a phone call from the woman.

"She told him she did not want to be associated with him and they were mere friends," his friend told Crazy Monday.

Shocked, he picked some acaracides from the store and spilled it into a pit latrine and then raised alarm that he had consumed poison. His mother screamed attracting neighbours. Villagers hired a taxi to take him to a nearby hospital where he was admitted.

He pretended to be unconscious as medical personnel treated him.

He was still ‘unconscious’ by the third day in hospital. By the bedside, his mother asked friends to search for the woman’s number. At that moment, the man raised his voice saying, "Ndi nayo. Ni 0728... (I have the number. It is...)", he said and then went mute.

Efforts to call the woman were fruitless, since the mobile phone was switched off.
His friends talked to him and he revealed he lied about consuming poison to woo the woman back.

"He was later discharged and slapped with a bill of Sh60,000. It was hectic getting the money," said a source involved in raising the funds.

What is Moi's most guarded secret?

Monday, June 13, 2011

Storm Gathering Over Tobiko Debate

Parliamentary vote will be complicated over ODM’s Yes-No-No-Yes Stance on Tobiko

Let us stand back for a minute and look at what is happening in historical context. And I am talking about very recent history.

Lest you forget we are in the nation of Kenya where impunity has reigned for a very long time. Just a few short months ago, the president was the sole appointing authority for virtually each and every public office of significance. And where he did not appoint the old constitution said that all civil servants served “at his pleasure.” More recently as the reforms ship gained influence the president still had the power to make appointments and if you had any complaints you were free to go tell it to the birds. Nothing would change. Just to give you an example. President Daniel arap Moi in 1999 appointed the then DPP Bernard Chunga to be chief justice. The appointment left the legal fraternity numb with shock. That appointment was akin to appointing a student school prefect to the post of headmaster of a large national school. But there was nothing anybody could do about that (except complain to the birds). Chunga remained the chief justice until the Narc government took over in 2003 and despite the security of tenure the office enjoys the Kibaki administration found a way to replace him pronto.

Now fast-forward to 2011. A man aiming to be DPP under the new constitution has just gone through a very rigorous vetting process. And at the end of it, the public is screaming with a loud voice that the process was not rigorous enough. Wow!!! Don’t you love the fresh new air sweeping across our beloved land?

But there is more. Where ever one Keriako Tobiko is right now he has deep regrets. His desire for the DPP post has badly damaged his public image. Two weeks ago few people cared who he was. Now in the minds of Kenyans it does not matter whether the allegations leveled against him are true or not, people have already made up their minds that he is guilty and that his appointment must NOT be allowed to go through. I put it to you that the man would have been better off had he not shown any interest for the DPP’s position. I love this!!! The new constitution actually works. There is a critical lesson here for anybody who seeks public office in the new Kenya. Mambo bado.

As I stated here earlier, Tobiko was a careful and thoughtful appointment crafted by those who own Kenya to protect themselves and the evil they have done in the past. After all the man has already done an excellent job of protecting the interests of these guys. Now don’t be so naïve as to leave out names from ODM from this list. Evils of the past know no political party boundaries I assure you.

Now that the plot has been uncovered by the people of Kenya these people are running scared. Very scared. For sure they are unlikely to sleep too well tonight knowing that there will be fireworks tomorrow (Tuesday 14th June) in parliament.

But don’t pop the champagne yet because it is difficult to predict what exactly will happen in the still very corrupt August house where money een in this day and age changes hands to influence key bills.

The biggest worry Kenyans should have is ODM’s precarious position over the Tobiko issue. The party is fighting a desperate battle to get a foothold in the vast influential Rift Valley for its’ presidential candidate Raila Odinga. The PM performed marvelously well in this province in those 2007 elections that he won but he has since lost enormous ground after falling out with one William Ruto. Now nothing short of full support and backing for Tobiko will appease the Maasai community and give him a fighting chance of getting their votes in 2012.

It is very sad that political leaders in the Maasai community and elsewhere have reduced the whole complex plot that is the Tobiko appointment into a simple tribal issue where they are alleging that those against him getting the DPP post are those who believe that Maasai’s (even those well educated) are not fit for such high end offices. Imagine that nonsense!!

The whole issue of parliament and Tobiko is further complicated by the fact that PNU are also looking to gain windfall political capital from the situation by looking good in contrast to ODM’s “lack of support (or lukewarm support at best) for the Maasai”. What this means is that if the issue is put to the vote chances are high that Tobiko will win overwhelmingly easily collecting votes from both sides of the house.

The only dim ray of hope is if the bid to stop debate and the vote so that more time will be given for Tobiko to be investigated succeeds. However skeptics are also wary of that scenario pointing to the fact that Mr Tobiko is an extremely sharp legal mind and must have been very careful to ensure that he left no evidence behind anytime he may have gotten naughty.

Interesting times indeed folks. Very interesting.

Presidential candidates and witchdoctors

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Dirt On Tobiko And Why Parliament Must Reject His Nomination

Political compromise and horse trading main culprit in this new move to derail reforms

A Kumekucha informant attending the proceedings grilling Keriako Tobiko for the post of DPP last week noticed a curious thing. There was a sheet of paper that Hon Ababu Namwamba was holding even as he fielded his questions and it had the Kumekucha logo clearly across the top meaning that it was a print out from an article in this blog. This is the article the legislator was reading and referring from.
Yes, this blog revealed Tobiko's evil ways almost 4 years ago.
Seeing this at County hall, my informant was upbeat and confident that all would be well and that the committee would reject Tobiko. It was not to be because as you read this the man already has a foot through the door to his new office. The devil is in the details, they say and Kenyans are about to get a very nasty surprise if parliament gives the green light to the nomination of this man to the brand new and extremely powerful position of Director of Public Prosecution DPP. Many Kenyans don’t realize it but this is one of the most powerful legal offices created by the new Constitution and enjoys security of tenure apart from being totally independent unlike in the previous constitution.

If you read the information that was on the piece of paper that Ababu was holding you and understand the contents, then you will get very scared. Mainly because a man who was involved in such a dirty deal should be the subject of a long overdue KACC investigation and not a candidate for an extremely sensitive post under the new constitution. Indeed the post in question is much more sensitive than that of the chief justice and their deputy.


The truth is that Tobiko was appointed to the old post of Deputy Public Prosecutor (also DPP) mainly to frustrate all and any new Anglo Leasing cases, a job that he has done extremely well. Clearly the biggest strength of this man is using technicalities to stall justice. We can therefore expect technicalities to be used to frustrate the spirit and letter of the new constitution at every turn.
It is therefore not too difficult to figure out why some very powerful people in Kenya (masters and promoters of impunity) are so determined to have Tobiko in office. And theyLink may just have their way. We have a fighting chance of stopping it if enough Kenyans can contact their MPs with a simple message “we are watching you.”

What Prof Yash Pal Ghai Said About Tobiko;
“…Now that Keriako Tobiko has emerged as the front runner, I believe I have a responsibility to share my knowledge of him publicly – my private communication to the nominating committee having made no impact.

My knowledge of Tobiko is based largely on his performance as a commissioner of the CKRC. Under their oath, commissioners were to exercise their responsibilities “without fear, favour, bias, affection, ill will, or prejudice”, and without “influence by any political party, religious society or any organisation or person which may have nominated me for the appointment”. This oath, and the Code of Conduct, Tobiko repeatedly violated.

Tobiko was the leader of commissioners who on the basis of lies waged a campaign to get rid of me. He led the group which went to see President Moi, widely believed to urge him to remove me. This did much to discredit the commission, but the very publicity meant that his plot fizzled out.


He constantly reported to the President and some ministers, in clear breach of confidentiality and impartiality. He engaged in a campaign to disrupt the work of the commission to prevent the drafting and adoption of the new constitution.


A drafter prepared a mock up of a draft constitution, with a view to presenting the possible architecture of the constitution for discussion by the commission. Tobiko somehow wormed his way into my office and removed it. Tearing away the front page (with its explanation of the purpose of the document), he made several copies, one delivered to President Moi and others distributed to the media. He told them that I had secretly prepared the constitution on my own. This story appeared prominently in the media, but fortunately was rapidly discredited as the front page was shown to them.


During procedures to remove the first Secretary of the commission, for dishonesty and failure to perform his functions, Tobiko took the secretary into hiding and removed his phone to prevent the commission from contacting him. It was only when pressure was brought on him by his political masters that the Secretary emerged – and resigned.


When the commission was about to start preparing the draft constitution after consulting the people, Tobiko objected, saying that people had not been consulted! However, apart from a handful of commissioners who joined him in the boycott or sabotage of the process, the commission completed the draft. Tobiko’s sole contribution was to take copies of our confidential papers and pass them on to persons who were not authorized to receive copies of them.
Although a lawyer with a good degree, his intellectual contribution was negligible. I personally have no recollection of a single idea or proposal about the constitution that he made.

He later became DPP, as a member of the system that has perpetuated impunity (most recently Ruto’s acquittal in the land case). Is he a suitable person to be appointed to the new more powerful office designed to eradicate this evil?”


CIVIL SOCIETY STATEMENT ON THE PROCESS OF VETTING FOR THE CHIEF JUSTICE, DEPUTY CHIEF JUSTICE AND DIRECTOR OF PUBLIC PROSECUTIONS JUNE 8 2011: We have come together as a group of Kenyan civil society organisations to express our views and concerns on the process of vetting the nominees for Chief Justice (CJ), Deputy Chief Justice (DCJ) and Director of Public prosecutions (DPP). While we have no problem with the outcome of the vetting for the CJ and Deputy CJ, the situation of the nominee for DPP, Mr. Keriako Tobiko is radically different. A series of disconcerting objections have been raised, which cannot be brushed aside in the apparent rush to arrive at a political compromise. They require thorough inquiry.

Approving this nomination without a thorough inquiry risks subjecting him to
unrelenting contestation and opposition and hobbling him as DPP. More importantly, it also risks compromising the transition to greater accountability in Kenya. Concerns have been raised on many issues: on the process of Tobiko's nomination, which was opaque and did not meet the constitutional requirements of transparency and public participation in governance; on his track record as a prosecutor, which is appalling; on his integrity, which has been seriously impugned by, among others, Prof. Yash Ghai. A former Permanent Secretary has accused him of abusing his office and attempting extortion and bribery. He has been accused of facilitating an illegal land transfer and of sabotaging the prosecution of a case involving a former client in the same matter, while neglecting to declare his interests. Furthermore, he has in the past published extreme and anti-reformist opinions which, if he still clings to them, would show him to be unfit to occupy an office which is central to the implementation of the new constitution. These and other disturbing allegations are in the public domain.

As such,
the COIC must make every effort to get to the bottom of them before making any recommendation on Mr. Tobiko's candidacy. Any attempt to engage in unprincipled political horse-trading at the expense of a rigorous search for the truth in these charges and others will be rejected and opposed by all legal and constitutional means. Kenyans have not come so far in order to compromise on the possibility of real change at this critical point in our history. The COIC must be aware; Kenyans are watching each one of you and will judge you according to your actions on this issue. In our opinion, the multiplicity of deeply troubling allegations from a variety of sources, -that seem to be increasing - would tend to indicate that Mr. Tobiko is very likely highly unsuitable for the office of DPP. However, the impression is gaining ground that those who have an interest in the confirmation of the candidature of Tobiko have no interest in the faithful implementation of the new constitution.

The aim seems to be to
ensure that an individual with no apparent interest in, or appetite for, prosecuting serious crimes effectively, occupies the position of DPP, which is a centrepiece in the fight against impunity for crimes against humanity and massive corruption. An examination of his record indicates that perpetrators of serious crimes would have as little to fear from Tobiko Keriako as DPP under the new constitution, as they have had to fear from him to date. Specifically, the following objections- which urgently need clarification and investigation- have been raised to Mr. Tobiko's candidacy, among others:-

1) The Process:

The process leading to the identification of Tobiko as a candidate was not
transparent in keeping with the values and requirements of the new constitution; as a result Kenyans have no idea how it was conducted, on what basis he was chosen as the best candidate, nor what criteria were used to select him. The Minister for Justice Mutula Kilonzo publicly criticized the decision to hold interviews in private. Has the COIC asked the panel for all information on the process, including selection criteria and all scores of all candidates? Have open questions on the integrity of process been answered? Have the reports which we are informed were prepared by the National Security and Intelligence Services on candidates been acquired where available? If there were any adverse findings did the selection panel make any attempt to address them during the interview process? What were the results?

2) How was Prof. Ghai's complaint handled by the selection panel?

Apart from the process, the public needs to understand if or how the
selection panel chose to handle a complaint submitted to it by Prof. Yash Ghai, former Chair of the CKRC, in which he made serious allegations against Mr. Tobiko's character, integrity and independence e.g. repeatedly breaching confidentiality to report CKRC proceedings to the Moi government and receiving illegal allowances as a Commissioner. Has COIC been able to satisfy themselves that these allegations were properly dealt with by the selection panel? If not, what does the COIC intend to do about it?

3) Mr. Tobiko's Integrity and impartiality

Mr. Tobiko is accused of facilitating the illegal transfer of 4,000 acres of
land in Maasai Mara. This land was confirmed by a ministerial report to have been illegally acquired. When named Deputy Director of Public Prosecutions he took over the prosecution of the same case in which he had acted for his former client, now the accused. He allegedly failed to declare a conflict of interest and recuse himself. Worse, he was accused of abuse of office and of compromising the cases to the extent that then Chief Magistrate ole Keuwa reportedly appealed to the Attorney General about Tobiko's interference and the danger of accusations of malicious prosecution. Complainants also appealed on Tobiko's alleged perversion of the prosecution. In its special Report of March 2006, (on page 42) the Public Accounts Committee notes that the appointment of Keriako Tobiko as Director of Public Prosecutions frustrated the progress of one of the Anglo Leasing cases; on the Forensic Science laboratory. The PAC notes that Mr Keriako, again, laboured under an undeclared conflict of interest, having acted as Chief Defence counsel in the matter, for Mr. Zakayo Cheruiyot among others.

Surprisingly, Mr. Tobiko yesterday to the COIC professed ignorance of an
important report on a process that received wide international attention in major media outlets around the world. At the very least, it indicates a level of disregard of parliament and its proceedings, which should give the COIC pause for thought in terms of Tobiko's likely respect for constitutionalism, or his honesty. On the same issue, in an opinion piece in the Sunday Nation on March 1st 1998, Tobiko and another basically approve of and threaten to incite violent consequences to clerics who strayed away from the narrow religious bounds prescribed by Tobiko and engaged in politics by publicly commenting on the lack of meaningful participation in the then constitutional reform process. Is he committed to defending and upholding the constitution with these past attitudes? Do his actions indicate that he still holds them?

4) Mr Tobiko's Competence

Through incompetence, laxity or worse, Mr. Tobiko has been responsible for
the failure of several key cases, among them the fraud case against William Ruto; the failure to appeal in time against the decision to quash sections of the report of the Goldenberg commission's report referring to George Saitoti, and prohibiting the Attorney General from pressing criminal charges against Saitoti in the Goldenberg affair. Most tellingly, the intervention of the ICC in Kenya is the ultimate indictment of Kenya's judicial and prosecutorial services. What more does the COIC need to consider arriving at the conclusion that very few, if any, individuals, who have been involved in the leadership of these institutions to date is qualified to lead them into the new dispensation? Promises of reform failed to convince the Pre-Trial chamber of the ICC, why should they convince us?

5) Mr. Tobiko's readiness to own his failures

Mr. Tobiko responds to the above criticism by laying blame either at the
police's door or the Attorney General's or others. Thus he claims that it was the Attorney General and not he, who presided over the shambolic state of affairs in the prosecutorial services; it is the police, and not he, who failed to produce key witnesses in the Ruto fraud case and others. Mr. Tobiko is shirking his moral and professional responsibility. Passing the buck between institutions has for too long been used to hoodwink Kenyans. It should be a tactic of the past, those who use it belong to the past. In general, Mr. Tobiko did not respond to all the committee's questions and was often evasive. In conclusion, the committee must find that the selection of the shortlist of persons for appointment as DPP was carried out with so much opacity that it cannot be relied on to produce the country's next DPP. The selected candidate, Keriako Tobiko, suffers too many moral and professional afflictions to be relied on as the next DPP, and cannot therefore be confirmed to this office.

Nairobi, June 8, 2011.

Very latest developments in this story: Gladwell Otieno, Ghai and NGOs headed to court to block Tobiko

Earlier development in this story: ODM in new move to block debate on Tobiko