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Thursday, August 23, 2007

Predictions About Kalonzo Musyoka And Akamba Beliefs


A Kamba man and one of the staunch supporters of Presidential hopeful Kalonzo Musyoka, told this blogger such a bizarre tale about the candidate the other day, that my ears are still ringing from what I heard.

So bizarre is this tale that I have debated long and hard whether or not to include it in this blog. If I had opted not to share it, I would be denying my readers information and yet the reason I set up this blog in the first place was to pass on information that nobody else would dare pass on.

If on the other hand I shared it, it would leave me wide open to be misinterpreted.

Alas, being who I am, I have decided to share it.

A while ago, so Kalonzo supporters are saying, a famous and powerful medicine man or witchdoctor predicted that Kalonzo Musyoka would be Kenya's next president. But, the medicine man said, his mother would not live to see his presidency. Even the witchdoctor himself would only see him being sworn in and would...

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Taabu said...

Chris, don't be 'NAIVE' and leave KM alone. He is only being honest by following what others do in darkness. As they say you can sweat all the much you care to defect from the village but the loyalty of 'villagerism' is beyond reproach. Like a pest it never leaves its host even when you die.

To be honest, even your top notch CEOs in Kenya have their own 'CONSULTANTS'. Trust ingenious Kenyans to call a cleaner sanitary supervisor. Even the MOST advanced economy in sub-saharan Africa (SA) have their Sangomas. And that is not to forget the scaryy, witchraft ladden Nigerhood movies. The so called schooled chaps despise during the day, just like we do tribalism, but in the safety of their homes they relish the episodes. Reason? No rocket science, they readily identify with every theme.

Just to provoke. Did you know that most of your readers outside Kenya never head straight to their shags before 'conditioning' (read protection). These are some of the things that are so African and we pretend so transparently to shun them. What a beautiful facade?

The truth of the matter is that witch doctors prey on our individual insecurities. And most of them know their clients too well since childhood. These are smart villagers who will take advantage of you desperation to succeed and cash on it. It is their period (once in 5 years). And trust enterpriseing Kenyans (the M. Imanyaras of shags) to make hay when the sun is still shinning. If anything it comes once in more than 2000 days.

derek said...

Chris, Is that a dream? Please rerve it for another discussion. This particular discussion once made someone be called a funny name on this blog. I wish i can stop from making a worthwhile contribution.

Then, we will have to think of what Masinde Wa Musambwa said, Melkio Ondeto said, and all the myths that we have read in our lives.

You can also be told that certain leaders are cut for failure, and others like Moi were quoted in the Bible. It will never draw such topical discussions that you always have. Rest assured.

mwasi said...

To all people who contribute in Kumekucha, I wish to congratulate you for your discussions. This is now like KTN when it started. Everyday people want to read what is in Kumekucha. I have friends who are alsways talking about discussions here. It is hard for people in the dispora to get who the nespapers on kenya do not say and this blog with those who support Chris in discussion make us proud. the regular contributors make it a must read. For me, it is Kumekucha and the two dailes on the net. Then I sit back and laugh as you people argue and make us laugh. At times we even make jokes by refring to quotes here.


derek said...

Another point, just to make us think deep, is that there was some paraphanelia of witchcraft found when an accident occured sometime back. Does it mean that the soothsayers never saw it coming to warn the legislators.

If there is witchcraft, then I think John Harun Mwau of the 'Osa Vinya' fame could have an MP during the high-tech by-election campaign that he staged some time back. With all the money, then he could have been able to buy all the Kajiwes of Kambaland to make him win.

To the informant, and if he reads Kumekucha, tell him Thank You for the info and GOD bless him in his wisdom.

kalamari said...

Man like Kalosh may not actually believe in witchcraft. The chap is truly a born again Christian. This whole mambo jambo is simply politics…. Follow me; hii uchawi is a cultural thing. Believing in it or not doesn’t mean anything; however, seen to be indulging in it automatically binds you to the community. You will realize that most of the chaps consulting the most powerful ones are not as discrete as they should be. Why? Part of the game is to fool Kamau and Ochola that they posses some mysteries powers. I mean, this even worked on Chris…..mpaka akapata Yesu.
It is now simply an attempt to gain ‘power’ by associating with freaks of nature…this kinda messes around with the psyche of voters. That my dear friends is the reason behind bagging these gunia dressing, public-nose-blowing chaps.

Now, this I find amusing; ati Chris is a born again Christian???!!!!!!! Na mimi basi ni Mfalme Jeta.

kalamari said...

Derek, masinde wa msambwa-- good one!! I'm still laughing.

Vikii said...

Very interesting times when born again brother Chris is saying 'the truth'.

Taabu, I was hoping to unleash the witchcraft on you when you come to Kenya, kumbe wewe hupitia tanga? I gotta go back to the drawing board now

luke said...

The saying goes you are only as good as your source, and if their source is voodoo its no wonder then that our politicians have been able to charm equally superstitious voters at the elections year in year out every year

The only magic act taking place this December will be how they will once again abracadabra you(not me!)to slither through the revolving door so they can snake their way right back into parliament while foot soldiers applaud and cheer their twist&turn as they sink deeper into the straits of dire difficulty and underdevelopment


Anonymous said...

Why are we so arrogant when it comes to beleiving in african traditional religions(cluture,withcraft, medicinemen and poisonmen) , isnt christianity less than 120 years old in africa? , yet our uchawis and mila have been there ever since Dr Manthi can remember.Did these beliefs not work for our ancestors or did they not win wars , get rain,when the prayed to higher beings?

Sue said...

This is interesting story Chris. Taabu you are very right on readers from outside Kenya conditioning before going to shags.

This reminds me of an aunt who picked her daughter from the Airport accompanied by a witchdoctor from UG telling her hes the one who has been protecting her.

Mark you this is a dada wa kanisa.

David Mwangi said...

Wow. This is some crazy stuff.

In high school we had chaps from Ukambani who wouldn't go to shags for likizo for fear that someone would do some remote-control on them. I used to despise this whole idea that time but now I know that there are some Kenyans, including very smart individuals and staunch Christians, who believe in this shit. It's amazing.

My grandpa used to give me storos of how one of his uncles had those powers that if an eagle picked up a chick, the uncle would just look look at the eagle when it is flying up there and eagle would drop down dead. Some crazy shit.

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