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Friday, August 10, 2007

I Never Said That Kalamari Was Porn Poster

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Most folks are harassed for time and that is why people usually quickly skim through articles rather than read them. This habit is rampant online and that is why so many readers of this house never were angry at the controversial tongue-in-the-cheek post in this blog appealing for former cabinet minister incharge of internal security Chris Murungaru to be re-instated to the cabinet.

It is also the same reason why many readers seem to think that I have accussed Kalmari of being the porn poster who has been a pest in this blog I DID NOT say anything of the sort.

All I did was ask him to stop harassing our dear friend, Sue. Twice Kalamari has made comments that cannot be judged to be...

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9 comments:

Taabu said...

Chris you seem to be curving anew niche of hitting you friends harder that others. Phil was first on your chopping and now you are e-baying for Kalamari's blood. That is not to mention others that would make my post look subjective.

For starters you seem to be a victim of your own accusation. You accuse bloggers for skiming and not reading while you claim to be waiting for Kalamai's response on the same. Bw Kalamari skillfuly made light the accusation by mocking it. Infact his signature jana was all over as Kala'porn poster' mari. Wjhat else do you need from him? I am curious what is up your sleeve. I can't let my self-abbrogated responsibility of e-cop down.

That said. Kalamari's post bring diversity from the often dry street political posts. What is more, the late Whispers used to get away with 'murder' then clothed as humour. You may consider Kalamari's explicit but in this e-age can you censor? I guess not but fear that was your objective.

If Susana has complained let Kalamari know. So far all I have read is Susana warning Kalamari not to post them in her jamiiyakenya blog. Put differently she won't mind the same here, ama I am speaking for the objectinng defendant? Please give Kalamari a break we need him, ama what do others have to say? I rest my defense.

kala "Porn Poster" mari said...

Disclaimer: It’s Saturday so the following is purely for entertainment purposes only.
CHRIS, this is boring porojo…..but I will make it interesting. When taken out of context, Sue’s blog (jamii….. ) is actually a raunchy porn site. Visit her site if you want to check out racy stories about house helps stealing husbands, Ugandan women being better than their Kenyan counterparts (in what? I don’t know), spicing up your marriage etc.
Explicitly noted under her very own personal profile and in her own words is the following epitaph that can only lead to one thought. In her own naughty way, Sue asks, “Unlike a dog, how can a turtle ever be naked?” She then answers, “By turning upside down”
I reiterate, jamiiyakenya.blogspot.com is a porn site ONLY WHEN TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT. Pssst..guys, visit before she deletes her profile….. or before this post is deleted.
–Other than traffic jam stories, I’m unsure why else her internet traffic counter (that Chris proudly displays here) is conveniently hidden.
Moving on; Today I’m a five year old porn poster and will start by screaming, “She started it!!!”.
To the best of my cocky knowledge, Sue was extremely disturbed by what I wrote in reference to Ojiambo and Ngilu. Since we are now reposting evidence, the following are my words:

……..We all know that the ‘surprised’ Ojiambo’s only interest is continued nominated MP pay. This stunned woman, with enough room under her skirt for Kalonzo to hide in, will soon realize that her submission to the honey-sweet commotion under her skirt is bound to instantly and permanently erode her influence within LPK. (4) Raila must forcefully ‘court’ Ngilu. Those thighs (as previously seen on newspaper front pages) must be spread wide, even if it’s to get just one Kamba vote……

NOTE: The first time I read of ‘KM under skirt’ was from Chris HIMSELF. I thought it was hilarious so I enhanced it. Further, it is Chris who reminded everybody on this blog of Ngilu’s thighs on newspapers….in a rather sexually connoted manner. I threw in the “open wide” quip, but how could I resist.

–To my skirt/thighs skit, Sue attacked as follows:
…….Sue said...
Kalamari thats a mischievous way of describing political relationship with two important women in our society.
No wonder someone gave you a nickname on post about Murungaru……
NOTE: The Murungaru post she refers to is the now infamous ‘tongue-in-cheek’ post. The following is what was said about me and others…… including her. In essence, she agrees with what was said…essentially Sue called me a ‘womanizer’….first.

………(why else would people waste their time writing articles here) like Phil of Kibera slums, Vikii wa Kalonzo, Kalamari the womanizer, Derek whinner and the pornographic fake Derek as well, not to forget your chief foreign and propaganda master Marianne Brinner herself. Oh and most recently that young girl who has no idea what she is talking about, Sue or something like that……
NOTE: This is the first time someone wondered whether Sue hardly had a clue of what she was talking about.

CHRIS, when you wrote the ‘tongue-in-cheek’ post and essentially called me a womanizer, you in fact became the first sexual offender and harraser on this blog. Let alone the numerous sexually connoted posts of surgeons dismembering ‘members’, …need I say more or do you admit that Sue and you took my posts OUT OF CONTEXT?

Phil said...

You know something Chris, I found it hard to believ that kalamari posted that comment about sue. I thought it was the same idiot who was impersonating derek in previous postings.

Please lets forget about this. Give us politics please.

Chris said...

My dear brothers Taabu and Kalamari,

Where else can brothers disagree and sort it out while still remaining firm friends?

I am very grateful for this place we call Kumekucha which like Kenya is for all of us. And that is why my statement was not aimed at chasing away Kalamari or provoking unnecessarily.

Firstly let me apologise because after I read the following part of Kalamari's statement, I realized it was true.

CHRIS, when you wrote the ‘tongue-in-cheek’ post and essentially called me a womanizer, you in fact became the first sexual offender and harraser on this blog.

I apologise for that, my brother. What you say acnnot be contested and please find it in you to forgive me.

However please allow me to explain myself. It was the reply Kalamari gave Sue that made me uncomfortable. I am probably too sensitive to any attack on women. I don't know. Maybe we need to hear from Sue.

But meanwhile, please let us speak openly about our differences and if somebody gets offended, please speak openly about it.

We cannot say that we are fighting the old Kenya and then behave in exactly the same way that got us into our current mess where everybody keeps stuff to themselves, as the country sinkes deeper into a bottomess pit. I value openness very much. It is the only way to build a genuine relationship (as oposed to "plastic" ones, which are too many these days.)

Have a nice weekend all.

-Kumekucha-
P.S. I reluctabtly admit that I laughed very loudly at Kalamari's post attacking me. This guy is really funny and we need him in Kumekucha. My hope and prayer is that we will reach some middle ground over the Sue issue.

P.S. Taabu, Thank you for the very important e-cop role you play here. I am not above criticism but infact value it very much.

I am NOT above criticism because the last time I checked this blog has no headmaster or boss. Only brothers, working together. I value our friendship and have NOT taken anything personally. Keep up the good work my brother.

Taabu said...

Chris, point taken, sieved and digested. But hey, not so fast, there is no free lunch. You are hereby fined a BOTTLE of Kalamari's favourite drink. Leave the rest to me and I will make sure he not only forgive but also FORGET that episode. And you know the guy is a hard nut to convince. So I need the ingredients to condition his senses - send him the bottle pronto. Tuko pamoja, ama?

kalamari said...

Chris, that was not an attack. It was actually a joke.
I agree with Phil, lets move on with politics. Good riddance to this Sue issue and quoting chaps out of context.
Today, I revert to my usual name.

Sue said...

All I can say is that as a woman am sensitive to any attack on women, Chris has also said that. Hence I couldnt help but comment on Kalamari's comment on Ngilu and Ojiambo.

Hes only picked a few issues on my blog and made a judgment that its a "raunchy porn site", that is his opinion but others can judge for themselves.

Am greatful to Chris for his concern but I don't want my comments to cause more heat.

Let this issue rest!

kalamari said...

Sue. Your blog is not a ‘raunchy xxxx site’. As a matter of fact, it is a beacon of hope to millions of women (Kenyan and otherwise) whose issues you choose to highlight in a clear and just manner. I think you should be proud of the noble work you selflessly indulge in to address the issues that our patriarchal society choose to conveniently ignore. I can only encourage you to pursue this endeavor to the greatest of heights. In a country where women outnumber men, it’s fundamental that political, social and economic empowerment of the fairer gender becomes a priority. When you choose to challenge women to break the yokes of gender disparities I think you do Kenya a great service. I’m not president, but when I become one, the top honor of the land may be somewhere in the form of “The Golden Order of Sue”. I hold women in the highest of esteem and respect. Ngilu and Ojiambo, though controversial in many ways, are stalwarts in the gender equality struggle. They in fact have inspired many young women to pursue male dominated professions. They are however, public figures.

That said, my point is that your very important blog (and my posts) could be construed to mean anything to anyone at anytime when taken out of context. Like my references to two or three items on your blog, when you pick a few lines on my posts and make unfortunate judgments, you not only open the floodgates of ridicule, but you also loose innocence to impending counterattacks.

The definition and nature of a blog, a free and anonymous one at that, demands that open-mindedness prevails. It is through such avenues that unpopular, politically incorrect, unpalatable views, political or otherwise (those that can never be discussed at a dinner table) are aired in a raw, uncensored and blunt fashion. The reason Chris is currently in hiding (at an undisclosed obscure location I must add) is because he has chosen to challenge the establishment by kicking it where it hurts most. If Chris was frightened to address past and present ills, this blog would be nothing but a blank white page cluttered with letters strewn together to produce words that make some sense once in a while. It is the controversial nature of the topics discussed that continues to draw thousands of people of varied backgrounds, creed, ambitions and goals to this blog. The fact that commentators on this blog are as polarized as the political situation on the ground is in itself controversial.

In the same spirit of diversity of opinion and expression, any restrictions or attempts to censor, edit or sanitize views or how they are delivered may well be Kumekuchas’ Achilles’ heal. In a way, it’s African culture to play with words. Some of our heroes use football commentary to make a point. Others choose ‘hawa, hawa tuu’. Some of our most controversial literary voices have never used names and can indeed defend themselves against treason charges in court. It’s just words, the power of which must be guarded jealously. In a forum where all walks of life are guaranteed a safe mode of expression, a prose or two taking cue from the worlds favorite pastime is nothing to cause heartaches and confusion.

Whereas it is true that behind every anonymous tag, lies a breathing human being complete with emotions, walking away in grief and bewilderment after reading a politically incorrect comment, could be a problem. I mean, nothing is personal here. If everybody was hypersensitive and easily bruised by opposing views or force-fed propaganda, then I would advise you not to attend the proposed “Kumekucha” get together in TZ as chaps will bring real knives, guns and stones. Your life could be in danger. There’s no denial that most writing is done with livid emotions, however, calling people names or agreeing with others who have done so is a sign of loosing emotional control. Whereas I will not offer or expect any apologies, going forward, please read my comments with a tongue-in-cheek.

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